JustSoYouKnow

Smultronstalle

2011-07-12T03:37:00.000-07:00

This is a new word I picked up from a novel, which I finished two days ago. It is a Swedish word, meaning a private and personal place, a place of your own. I thought it was such a cool expression, not found in English as far as I am aware of. I decided to jot down in my blog so that I would not forget it. I was trying to pronounce the word the other day, each time with a different accent. It was funny and I laughed out loud, at myself. I also tried thinking of my Smultronstalle.
The quiet road in Hanoi with two rows of trees on the pavement in an autumn day.
Mommy's kitchen with the smell of home-cooked food and home itself.
The park, where my dad got fined for riding scooter on a day when he allowed me to pon kindergarten.
A small house near my school, in which resided my first and only crush. I stalked him home every single day for about a few months.
The traffic light at which my first so called boyfriend admitted to stalking me home. I remember I asked him: "Are you turning right or going straight?". He said "I'm going straight.". "I'm turning right. Bye then!", I said and made a turn as the red man turned green. A few seconds after, he caught up with me grinning "Turning right will do too!". I laughed out loud. And it was the start of our love story, which sustained for about half a year officially. I only accepted its ending when he didnt give me any present for my birthday.
Windy Raja block where we all studied together, where Jess, waiting for mommy's express in the evening, lied down on a bench and prayed, where we had follow up, where Che thought that banmian was a bubble tea flavor, where I dropped my vanilla lime ice cream on Julian's bare foot, where Moo, leaning agaisnt wall E, told me about Mel and Tween and Jing, where Xiu did the most girly gesture I'd ever seen: tugging her hair behind her ear, where random people's notes flew under the wind and landed on the field, where Tham showed his dangling hangling fat, where I HAD THE TIME OF MY LIFE.
The empty LT where Moo and I exchanged our letters.
My boarding room where we had instant noodle party every now and then
Hullet Block where a few of us was quarrantined. Out of boredom, while the rest of our friends were shooting down CT papers, we watched comedy, recorded our singing, fished food from the 8th floor. And I let Hang trim my hair.
The window of a bus, from which I looked out to the greater world and had many conversations with God.
Ikea, where Xiu scared me to death with a soft toy rat, where Halinh cried at the memories of her and her ex.
The corner at Bishan library, where I slept on Moo's shoulder
The oldie Arcade at Queensway, where Moo and I tried out different nooby games to get enough tickets to buy this tissue box cover embroided with this comic character with eye brows as thick as Moo's. This happened a few hours ago.
I bet there are many many others which I cant think of now.
I really really love the word.
Smultronstalle

Monte Carlo

2011-06-30T02:52:00.000-07:00

It is a nice movie!!!

I still like Leighton Meester the best!!!! I think because I like Blair! Plus the fact that she can sing good country songs, not like someone ehem....

And I bought a pair of jeans at 18 bucks today!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This is officially repent plan nowwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!

I mean it!!!!!

I want to travel with Moo!!!

And Machu Picchu is in Spain!!!!

Bible fever

2011-06-27T22:19:00.001-07:00

I cant believe that I spent nearly 4 hours this morning, reading the bible!!!

It was just awesome my time with God. Lots of insights!!!

I suddenly realize how true it is to say that God will reveal himself to those who seek Him.

My summer has not been very packed.

Okay it has been rather slacking because there are long breaks between different events.

I have been feeling like a turtle so far, hiding. But I feel that it is good for my spiritual growth. I must remind myself that investing time and effort in my spiritual walk is a good thing to do because sometimes I feel quite unproductive. Especially after the shopping spree in KL, I was hoping to get some jobs to speed up my repent plan in financial term.

YAYP camp is just around the corner and Moo hasnt had his leave approved yet. Please make it approved God!!! And make his ankle heal faster as well so that he can play all the games as he wishes!!!!

Bless Moo cell too!!!

BBQ

2011-06-26T21:02:00.000-07:00

I went for BBQ with NUS cell yesterday!!!

It was an awesome time of fellowship!!!

Although the chicken wings were not really cooked!

But people matters more than food, I guess

It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true

2011-06-21T22:14:00.000-07:00

It was really a relief to hear from daddy that mommy has been feeling slightly better these days. It means that the treatment is effective. Will be pressing in prayer for her.
I leanrt something really cool yesterday about our identities. When God sees us, He sees only our goodness, He sees Christ. We do make mistakes, we do get angry, we do throw tantrum, we do cheat and lie. Yet, those are just moments that sin takes over us (Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it - Romans 7:20); they are not what God identifies us with. So? We are to identify ourselves with goodness and greatness, not sins and failures. AMEN!!!!!

In peace I wil lie down and sleep, for you alone Lord, make me dwell in safety

2011-06-19T20:53:00.000-07:00

I'm Back. to blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I went back to visit mommy and daddy!!! I spent nearly all of my time taking care of mommy! I really pray for her health.
My first retreat was a great time spending with the children and my com members!!! A great shopping spree with Sher, my rommie too!!!!!!!! I felt God's presence once during worship and after that, Suhui jie prayed for me. Yes, God knows that I am troubled. No one else knows me better than You do!!!
Back to Singapore, I went out for lunch after church with Serene. We talked about stuff. It was a refreshing time. Then we met Moo, Julian and Daryl!!!! We played Arcade together and watched Green lantern at night!!!
I'm reading Psalm now! A book to comfort my soul!!!

I know it from the moment that we met, no doubt in my mind where you belong...

2011-05-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

Post exam feels so so so good!!!!!!!

Watched Thor with friends!!! Recommended movie!!!!

Lunched with auntie Lina and talked her into buying a superduper expensive shirt and a pair of jeans for Moo!!! hehehe!!!

Went shopping with H.U.N.G.R.Y girls and met Janice!!!! We laughed until we got headache!!!!

WENT USS WITH THE MOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was so scared of the blue and the red tracks!!! So we didnt try it!!! And for most of other scary rides, I closed my eyes all the time while Moo looked at the camera and smiled!!! hahaha!!! I looked so retarded!!! And we took quite a few photos!!!! We watched all the shows too!!! AWESOME effects, especially WaterWorld!!!! Thanks Moo for the great time we spent!!!! And thank God for Moo!!!!Yayyy!!!!

Watching GE video now!!!

And Gossip Girl in a while!!!!

p/s: Moo likes Set fire to the rain by Adele (which he at first mistook for Set fire to the radio !!??!!?) for now!!!! I thought it was real funny!!!!

I'm happy when Moo is around!!!!

2011-05-01T17:12:00.000-07:00

Mooey was back from bangkok yesterday!!!! Now is the time for inventories!!!!

He bought for himself: three shirts, two pairs of shoes, one set of SUPER CUTE pajamas

For me: two lovely dresses, two belts, one retarded looking elephant shirt, one DORAEMON towel!!!!! (It is a HUGE towel featuring a DORAEMON lying on the beach chillaxing!!!! I LOVE IT!!!!)

For his grandma: one flowery shirt for her to wear for CNY

For Julian: one jail shirt hahahha

For my mom: a pretty scarf!!!!

For no one (thank God): one fake POO

Looking at the list, I am the one who gets the most presents!!! Thank you DORAEMOO!!!!

It was really cool that you went for service in a church over there in bangkok!!! And your friend came along!!! I really believe that God somehow sew the seed of faith in him!!!!

Service at our church yesterday was about Easter happening everyday!!!! During the worship time, when we were singing Mighty to save, God asked me one question. He asked "Do you REALLY believe that I AM mighty to save?". I was taken back. I believed, but not with all my heart, and not always. I guess that is what you called faith of a mustard seed. And there is some funny thing here. You normally have a big faith when you are young in age or in Christ or when you are really a mature Christian, who experiences encounter with God through it all. There is not much space for the middle ground; it is rare. When pastor Matthew shared about how he is well prepared for God's miracle healing; he wants to be saved and believes that he will be. God then asked me another question: " Do you REALLY want to be saved?". I realized then that God was not looking for an answer to that question, He just wanted to get me thinking. You need to be desperate enough to be saved by Him. You need to really believe that there is no other way but Him. You need to stop trusting in your very own strength. Only then you will do what God tells you to do, not what you think is right. The thing He asks you to do may be absurd, or painful, but what do we have to lose, really? That's probably why we encounter God the most when we are kinda messed up and desperately searching for Him. I think God comes for those who wants to be saved, not those who needs to be saved. To fill the gap is free will, the beautiful gift God has kindly given us all out of love, knowing that it will break His heart far too many times.

So service was good, because it was where I found God, yesterday.

Bye friends!!!!

p/s: I received Fireproof. Thank you Jess and Sher!!! Yup, Love never fails!!! And Love is patient too!!! :D

The moral of the story is boy loves girl and so on, but the way it unfolds is yet to be told . . .

2011-04-30T08:06:00.000-07:00

Prettiest Friend is playing.

I realize that songs can bring you through time and space, to a certain point in your life, to a certain place.

And i am reminded that i was once, your prettiest friend.

And eternity, in the palm of Your hands

2011-04-29T20:39:00.000-07:00

It's pouring, outside of my window. This is the best weather to curl up on my bed, read something heart - stirring and soul - touching, wander in my daydreamings, and doze off. And this is the reality: i have valuation and tourism to study!!!

There are a few random things which have popped up in my head these few days:

Why does God have to create rats? They are not beautiful/adorable/helpful at all....

For every serious relationship, no matter how bad they fight each other, there always remains that something that ignited them from the first place. It's just a matter of uncovering the many layers of anger, dissatisfaction, disappointment and hurt to find that precious sparkle. It is a search that not all dares embarking or bothers entertaining. I like what Jodi Picoult said about love: " True love is like ghosts, many have heard, yet, few have seen". Talking about Second Glance, I couldn't find it!!!! (Did you lose it Moo????)

I feel that I can hear God's voice at times. I mean I was quite sure that the inner voice within me was from God. As much as I am convicted, I am comforted. He has been speaking to me lately through books I read, through the Word, etc. And I love bus ride to school because it is the time for me to have uninterrupted conversation with God. Sometimes, our conversation is quite funny, but who says God doesn't have a sense of humor?

I read The Voice That Calls You Home this morning and i realized something about forgiveness. It comes with time. There is no instant fix for the hurt and the pain that was inflicted. Frustration doesn't work, neither does disappointment. I'm learning to forgive and i believe that God is moulding me. So here is what Andrea Raynon wrote:

"...How? As trite as it sounds, one day at a time. Slowly. Sometimes cursing, sometimes crying, sometimes laughing so hard at a memory that grief is held at bay for a moment or two. We make peace with our regrets. We try to forgive. We tell the stories over and over until the edges are polished - smooth as sea glass, tumbled through time. In the end, we remember to keep breathing. We curl ourselves in the palm of God's hand and rest, for that is where we always are anyway. Held and loved."

Yes, we are held and loved. We are known by names.

Time for valuation, again!!!!

The good news

2011-04-27T07:26:00.000-07:00

Yes I have good news!!! That Jesus died for us to set us free and we have new lives through Him!!! :D

My second piece of good news is that one of my junior is considering becoming a believer!!!! I was totally shocked when I read her fb message to me!!! This has been the sweetest surprise God has for me in such a long time!!!! BUT BUT BUT she is facing her mum's objection. So keep her in prayer as I will.

This is so exciting!!!

Staggering path

2011-04-26T08:06:00.000-07:00

I started reading Grace Notes yesterday. It was really a good read. Once again, I am reminded that God is so gracious and He loves us so much. A truth brought forth by Philip Yancey (and Leo Tolstoy as well): no matter how staggering our Christian paths seem to be, we are walking home. Yes, home, where God is waiting for every single soul to knock on heaven's door.

Moo is leaving for Bangkok tomorrow. Pray that God will grant him and his friends journey mercy, protection and fun time well-spent. Hope that it will be worth a treat after Brunei for jungle and boatie Moo.

I think not many people will know that we are not together anymore because I wont be going around telling them so. And my status on fb has been single for quite a long time. But just to let anyone, who is concerned, know that we broke up on good term. We are definitely still friends, how close we will be, we are not sure. We will see how it goes. For the reason of this, it is mainly my lack of joy and my sense of insecurity that prevents me from loving Moo properly (1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 kinda love). So in the mean time, I'm waiting for God to heal my soul instead of further bringing our relationship into an episode of sorrow and sadness. And we are waiting on God too because we are not sure of His will.

That's the necessary update.

And I'm sleepy. But still have one mindmap to study.

I may be doubting God and think that He is quite inconsiderate and stuff. But God is really my hope and refuge, in every season of my life.

Now, more than ever.

Remember when . . .

2011-04-24T04:54:00.000-07:00

Look this is what I've found

"Wish that with every thought you come across, it brings you hope; with every memory you replay, it brings you happiness; and with every dream you have, it gives you courage!!! SET!!! Beautiful wishes for Barry's birthday"

Dated 19 Apr 2009

I still wish you the same. I just watched the video posted on Halinh's blog. It reminded me of us, at certain points. And even now, I'm not sure if God really wants us to be together. So officially, we are not together anymore until we are sure of God's direction. But I'm happy as your bestest friend. I know you are too!!!
Econs is so boring, but I can totally forget about it after tomorrow!!!Yayyy!!!

And I'll let you know

2011-04-24T00:50:00.000-07:00

Dear God

Thanks for great Good Friday service!!! Thank You that Halinh enjoyed it too!!! I'm excited to lend her bible! Thank God that Moo is finally home!!! Pray for Moo to have a great time ahead chilling at home!

I know I cant do this alone. So I pray for a heart of prayer in me. I will be okay for my God is with me.

And I'll let you know then ...

Day 19 - Kiss me beneath the milky twilight Lead me out on the moonlit floor Lift your open hand Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance . . .

2011-04-21T08:08:00.000-07:00

I really don't like studying for exam!!!! Haiz!!! Not so stressed, just boring!!! hahaha!!!
You are coming back REALLLLL soon!!!!
And i'm glad that Halinh is coming for Good Friday service tomorrow with me!!!!!! Yayyy!!!
That's all for a break!!!!

See you soon Moo!!!

p/s: ... Silver moon's sparkling So kiss me ...

Day 18 - Someone like you

2011-04-20T01:05:00.000-07:00

"This is a tricky paragraph, but i think it pretty much sums up my impression of you. I think no one in the world deserves to marry you, unless the person knows ans he is absolutely sure that he is the happiest person in the entire world, a joy unrivalled and incomparable. And even though (and hopefully not) that joy may diminish very slightly over time, for that one moment, he should know how lucky he is, something which neither years nor words can describe, to be with someone like you. He should know it is the ultimate form of fulfillment, undeniable, pure and yes, perfect. I do wish every marriage in the world is like that. Brilliance doesn's start with B anymore, may I call you a beacon of brilliance?"

I count myself lucky, instead.

Day 17 - Turning 20 is a piece of cake!!!

2011-04-19T12:00:00.000-07:00

HEY HEYYYYY MOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
You are 20 year old!!!!!!!!!! But you dont look 20, you look 17!!!! Are you happyyyyy????
I prayed for you just now!!!! And dont worry, I'm not that sad!!! I just wished that I could have been a little bit more patient!!! I felt that you were very poor thing!!!! I kinda understand why you feel so irritated and stuff!!! After all, IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!! You deserve something special, not just hanging around aimlessly doing nothing in the jungle!!!! So I pray that God will surprise with that special something even in the "wilderness"!!!
Talking to you yesterday was very nice!!! And yup, no matter what, I really really love you ttm!!!!
Enjoy your birthday and God's best be yourssss!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (do i sound like Pastor Lim???)

Love,
Moo

Day 16 - What do i have, if i don't have you Jesus?

2011-04-18T06:44:00.002-07:00

Hi Mooey!!!
I realize that even though your flight is pushed back by one day, you are STILL faster than exams!!! That is in itself, so much a blessing for me!!!
Chop left for UK this evening.
Jess is leaving in a few days.
And you are coming back real soon!!!
Although I told you on the phone about it, I still want to write it down here. YOU ARE A PRAYING WARRIOR MOO!!!! And I have so much to learn from you about prayer life!!! I really want God to be my pilot, not my co-pilot!!!
As I was preparing the worship materials for my Gen 12 prayer meeting this Wed, I felt REALLY overwhelmed by God's presence! The songs God spoke to me were Lord of the sunshine, For you alone and I will sing! I realize that there are many things that are going on in my life and in others' lives which I dont seem to understand, there are pain and sufferings on this Earth that I cant explain. But our God is the Lord of everything, He is the Lord of the sunshine and the rain, of the good times and the pain. I remember a verse from Matthew saying something like " He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rains on the righteous and the unrighteous". Yes, everything has a season and a reason for it all. But even in my darkest hour, through the sorrow and the pain, as a believer, I am to sing praises to God because I believe in His words and His promises, and trust in His unfailing love and amazing grace. Just simply bringing myself before God and allowing His presence to touch the deepest layer of my heart, and the furthest corner of my soul makes me cry. I suddenly understood with all my heart and my mind what it meant to put God first. It is to realize that to know God and to be able to walk with Him till the day we can see His face is the greatest blessing of all. It is indeed for God alone deserves our everything.
Calling Moo in a few minutes!!!

Love,
Moo

Day 12 - If I open my heart, can I go there with you?

2011-04-14T08:39:00.002-07:00

Hihihi the MOOOO!!!!

You are out of your BOAT tomorrow!!! I can talk to you already!!!! Yayyyyy!!!!

Guess what!!! I studied in school from 10am to 9pm today with Halinh!!! How efficient!!!! Halinh uses colorful paper for her note, reminding me of JC days!!! She was trying to show me that every piece of paper had a dot at the exact same spot and she thought it was freaky!!! So funny right!!! She always finds out this kind of random things and get freaked out!! Oh and she said she has been kinda poisoned with Taylor Swift's music nowadaysss!!!! Well, at least she knows that it is poisonous!! hahaha

Anyway, a part of the song we sang yesterday has popped up in my head and stayed there since this morning!!!

Praying for Joey, who is so stressed with her readings and coming examssss!!!!

Can't wait to talk to youuuuu!!!!!

Love,

Moo

Day 11 - Cry in my heart

2011-04-13T09:00:00.005-07:00

Hi boatie Mooooo,

Actually are you on boat today??? I hope you are resting!!!! I prayed that you would not get sunburnt and not fall sick kkk!!! BE A STRONG MOOO!!!! The highlight of my day was meeting Jess for J333. After that, we went to eat Mr Bean icecream and bean curd and talked for quite a while about STUFF!!! I LOVE IT!!! But I'm so sleepy nowwww!!!!

Love,

Moo

p/s: the title of the post is one of the songs we sang today at J333!!!

Day 10 - Oh why do you have to be so cute? It's impossible to ignore you ...

2011-04-12T06:19:00.003-07:00

Hi boatie Moo!!!!

GOSHHHH

I have been slacking!!! Stalking people on fb, thinking about you and MISSING youuuuuuuu!!!! It was really nice to receive your sms!!! It is such a sweet surprise!!!! YOU ARE MY CUTEST FRIEND!!!! I replied your friend and asked him to say HI to you for me!!! (Did he do that????) But when the sms came, I had this gut feeling that it was yours!!!! AND IT WAS YOURSSSSS!!!! really made my day!!!! Yayyyy!!!! I saved it in a separate folder and re-read when I miss you!!!!

I have no school on Wed and Thu but I'm coming to school to study!!! FLAG POLE in the morning tomorrow with Crusaders!!! Phoebe is gonna give me wake up calll!!!!

Praying for Janice and her trip!!!

Time to study!!!!

Love,

Moo

p/s: oh ooohh, J333 with Jessss tomorrow!!!!

Day 9 - Happy birthday to me

2011-04-11T03:21:00.005-07:00

Helloooo the Mooooo,

It is raining now and i hope it's not in Brunei. Prayed that boat moo is safe from rain and shine!!! I went to Raja Block to study with Jess today! Erm we didnt really study,but we ate a lot!!! hahahha!!!! It was just so very nice chit chatting and eating with Jess!!! Guess what!!!! A part of her tooth came out under the force of honeydew!!!! We laughed so hardddd!!! Well it is just JESS!!! And when we were eating, there was a super BOLD cat attempting to steal our food!!! He (the cat is too bold for a female!!!) kept jumping on the table, and he succeeded!!! He drank a bit of Jess's noodle soup!!! Jess kept pushing the cat away, and the cat rebel against her!!! hahha!!! Oh and Jess gave me a bookmark on my spiritual birthday!!!! Yayyyy!!!!

I cant imagine that 3 years have passed since the day I first received Christ!!! God has been really faithful, sometimes I dont realize that very fact in the midst of my situation, but upon hindsight, YES!!! He has been really really good to me by surrounding me with my DG, my NUSCC, my accountability group, our cell, our friends like Jess, and you too heheh!!! (you are in a category by yourself!!!) He also opened my eyes to see beyond my immediate comfort zone, so that I can find opportunities to reach out to and pray for people!!!! God has been wonderful!!! Actually always He is!!!! I feel very thankful for the things God has arranged for me these 3 years and for His love and grace!!!! It is exciting, indeed, to walk with God!!!!

Oh I forgot to share with you yesterday that service on Sunday spoke a few things to me. Service was about being on higher moral ground for God, that way we will always defeat Satan. Pastor talked about when we reached out to others in love, and they rejected us, they would be fighting agaisnt God ,not us. I feel that certain times, I was fighting agaisnt God in our relationship. I mean I could tell that you were really trying your best to relate to me in a very Christ like manner at those times, yet I couldnt let go of my stubborness and my pride or whatsoever that the devil blinded me with!!! Also, pastor told us about this example of this lady encouraged her husband and took a few step backs to create opportunities for her husband to grow into a great leader for God. Knowing that you would like to receive words of encouragement, I think I can do a better job in encouraging you and stuff!! I didnt really mean to discourage you but sometimes I was just tired or frustrated over everything, or anything at all!!!

Talking about this makes me miss you!!!! But i can see time flying !!!!

Take care boat Moo!!!!

Love,

Moo

Day 7 - Life is wonderful

2011-04-09T08:42:00.002-07:00

Hiiiiiiii Mooooooooo,

Come out of the jungle quick so that i can talk to you!!! TOMORROW!!!!! Pray that there is no delay!!!!

Today was so so so fun, met Chop and Halinh!!!! Gosh!!!! For so very long, I never spent time just chit chating with my good friends!!!! It felt so great!!!! Love the two of them!!!! Halinh started to feel that Taylor Swift was not so bad and she was singing Taylor Swift's song every now then!!! Well, it doesn't make me like her any better!!! Actually, objectively speaking, I would dislike her less if you like her less!!! It seems pretty subjective now!!!!!

Oh and I bumped into Benji at Ion!!! Actually i was walking then he purposedly came blocking my way (cos he saw me first)!!!! I thought he went dating hahahha, but he was going for a birthday party!!!! Disappointed me!!!!

And I am going to see my pre-school kids tomorrow!!!

It's gonna be a lovely sunday tomorrow!!!

But I dont now if I should go to school after my church meeting to study with Joey, Gabriel and Jasmine tomorrow!!! IT'S FAR!!!! How now brown cow????

I will think about it in my sleep!!! yayyyy!!!!

Talk to you real soon!!!

Love,

Moo

P/s: I have not been doing moo cell these few days!!! But I am reading 2 Kingsssss!!!!

Day 6 - Knocking on Heaven's door

2011-04-08T08:21:00.003-07:00

Hiiii Moo,

Today I woke up a bit late, so I was late for lecture (my 8am lecture)!!! But the speaker was so so boring, he was just reading out from the slides, literally, no exxageration. So I felt wasted, I could have slept a bit longer at home!!! ahaha

Though I was a bit rush in the morning, I was still determined to wear the dress which I prepared yesterday night!!! And my friends (Crusade friends and cell people) said that I looked pretty!!! Yayyyy!!!! Well, its not like I like to be praised but just being a girl, being complemented as pretty definitely makes my day!!!! But in a way, God is encouraging me and speaking to my pretty low confidence these days too!!!

So how are you? Time indeed pasts really fast!!! I really hope that you are enjoying your jungle trip!!! Every time I miss you randomly during the day, I pray to God! Simply committing you into His hands makes me feel so relieved and comforted. Somehow, I feel that you can hear my prayer too; it is like God, you and I are on a conference call!!!!

By the way today cell is very nice. It was not at Gabriel's house but at the karaoke room in his condo, we never sang k though!!! Cell was about truths about heaven. Basically, it said that as believers (be it from OT or NT), we will definitely be saved and go to heaven to rejoice with God and the angels (sadly as non-believers, they will definitely go to hell, where they are separated from God for eternity). But as we past the gate of heaven, we will be sitting on a chair and the things that we have done/accumulated on earth will be put into the test. Things which dont matter will be destroyed, and things which truly matter will last and be rewarded!!!! So the main learning point I get is we are safe and secure as Christians, heaven is our eternal home, we must prioritize reaching out to non-Christian friends and families because we dont want them to be tortured in hell, and the world may not acknowledge and reward a Christlike life/person but God will. Such a fruitful and insightful lesson!!!!And it is also said in the bible that everyone will be spouseless in heaven!!! So well....in heaven, we will still be friends, but close ones!!!! hahahaha!

Pray that you are a strong Moo!!!!

Take care and sleep tight!!!!

Love,

Moo

Day 5 - You're always there, you're everywhere, but right now I wish you were here

2011-04-07T07:33:00.003-07:00

Dearest Moo,

I skipped yesterday entry, I was just too tired after a superduper long day in school. So today is day 5. It is not really fast, but not that slow either. This afternoon before I left the house, I opened the window, and I realized that the leaves of the tree right outside the window turned yellow. The rest of the trees still had their leaves green. It was interesting and I spent a moment staring at the yellow leaves and thinking about their transitions, from green to yellow. It kinda resembles the transition into old age. The only difference is that the leaves get to change every season, but we only get to grow old once. Yet, we grow older all the times!!! hahaha!!!

Today I also realize that Fat Boy is a very nice friend. He always wait for me to board the bus first then he will walk back to his hall. Well, it is not the first time it happens, but today I feel especially touched!!! He will be going Bangkok too, once our exam ends! May be I should tell him the Bangkok joke!!!

And I saw your fb message!!! I like it a lot!!! When I was waiting for 157 just now at Hwa Chong, I saw lots of leaves falling down (leaves again!!!). It was when I felt a little bit queezy, and I knew that I was missing you!!! But God reminded me of your fb message, you said when I felt sad or lonely, remember that God and you loved me!!! And the thought a lone comforted me a lot!!! I really thank God for you!!! Pray that jungle moo is having fun reading books and bible!!! 1 Samuel and the subsequent chapters are very nice to read and there are many lessons as well! I was very sad when I read about the friendship of David and Jonathan! You read and you will know why!!!

I cant wait for this weekend and next week!!! I realize exams are just around the corner!!! But you are faster than exams!!!!

Missing and praying for you!!!!

Love,

Moo

p/s: today i signed up for grace retreat online. I will be rooming with Sher. Somehow, in the confirmation slip, i turned out to be a male!!! hahahah

Day 3 - I'd come for you, but only if you told me to

2011-04-05T05:28:00.002-07:00

Hi Moo,

I had such a long long day! Thank God I am at home now, not really chillaxing because there is still work to do!!! Yesterday, I couldn't sleep again! I went to bed at like 1130 because this morning I had early tutorial, but I lied down for about 20 minutes, finally concluding that my mind was too awake for any lullaby! Counting sheep didn't help either! So I woke up to do work!!! I think I catch the Joey's syndrome (She is addicted to sleeping late, at 12, she will tell herself that she still can do more work. She then ends up stretching herself until 2 or 3 in the morning!!!). Anyway, as I was editing my report, I bumped into Tham online!!! We had a great great catching up, talking about simple things!!! I miss him too!!! There was a time we did lots of things together, most of them were dumb! There was a time when I gave him wake up call every Sunday morning for church, and somehow we were always late! There was a time when I felt so sad when he gave me a cold shoulder! There was a time he told me he realized after all I was the friend who had stood by him all this while! Yes times after times ... I thank God for the conversation we had, and for the wonderful friendship that has crossed my path!

I had my first meeting for program com for Crusade FOC today!!! SO EXCITING!!! The theme this year is IGNYTE: ignite your passion for God, and for His peple!!!! We will be in charge of planning games, special programs and devotions!!! YAYYYY!!!! Pray for Creativity overflowing our com members!!!!

I felt very assured and comforted to know that God is really with you and you enjoy His presence so much!!! The distance, the sense of loneliness every now and then, the habit of clicking on your name in my contact list, the wish to share with you about my day; all just reminds me that you mean a lot to me, more than you could ever know, and more than I could ever imagine.

These few days, I have been waking up, missing you. . .

Talking to you soon!!!!

Love,

Moo

p/s: Today during my discussion for the program com, I felt that I was a bit too fierce .. Well, not exactly, a bit too straightforward may be??? Basically, I felt that I could have done a better job in considering other opinions!!! Yup!!!! That's is the perfect way to put it!!!

Day 2 - Friendship never ends

2011-04-04T05:56:00.002-07:00

Hello the Moo,

Sher cancelled her bday party cos she is too busy!!!! But still HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHER!!! Pray that God will help you juggle between study, dance and CC!!!

I'm seeing my projects coming to the end! Seriously, I cant wait!!! After I say goodbye to all the projects, it's time for catching up with people!!! Will be meeting Chop for lunch, HaLinh for haircut (she is really going for BANG BANG BANG), and Jess for studying at Raja and J333!!! I really miss spending time with Jess, talking about stuff, disturbing her, enjoying her lameness and most of all, the fellowship of our sisterhood in Christ!!! Yayyy!!! Seems like April is passing at the speed of light!!!

It's always heartwarming to receive your sms!!! I laughed so hard when you told me that you were sad about Cat being butt-torn!!! I mean, Cat becomes so real and so cute!!! haha!!! He has a hole in his heart, and a bigger hole in his butt!!!!

I'm very glad that Dawn is moving on with her life, despite departing her relationship. I really believe that God has a special plan for her!!! Cant wait to see her in July as well!!! It also got me thinking about us. When the time comes, God will reveal to us about His will more explicitly. For now, I really pray that God gives us Christ-like love so that no matter what, we know that we have loved each other, and loved each other well, till the very end...

Moo cell in 15 minutes!!! EXCITING!!!!!!

Love,

Moo

Day 1 - Just a little more love, it's all it takes to live a dream

2011-04-03T06:46:00.004-07:00

Hello Moo!!!!

Bounce kids was great fun!!! It would have been so much more fun if you had been here, bouncing with me!!! Tris and Merilynn asked about you!!! Joesh and Elisha wore b-baller shirts, swinging around. Joesh was very naughty; he bombed me with balls!!! Ryan was as good and smart as ever; he chased other kids away so that Rachel could play with the swing!!! I took care of Jaelyn because unlike other 3-year-old kids, none of her parents were with her. Emmanuel and Jaelyn held hands and wawawa and each other!!! They all were very excited on the way there, and dozing off on the way back!!! Emmanuel dozed off, munching his bread!!! I helped this girl ( about 5 years old) go down the tunnel-like slide; she was very scared at first but after I talked to her, promising her that it would be very fun and I would be right behind her, she finally slided down!!! And she was so happy, wanting to slide again. At the end, I realized that she was not one of our kids!! Haha, still, I was glad that she overcame her fear!!!

I slept like a pig after I reached home!!! A bit worried that you would feel lonely!!! And somehow, when you told me that you were scared that you would not be able to talk to some other medics, I felt you were very poor thing! I felt that I had never really loved you enough, especially the few days before you flew off!!!! But I really trust that God will be your all in all!!!

Calling you in one minute time!!! Yayyy!!!!

Love,

Moo

When you can't see God's hands, trust His heart

2011-02-15T20:47:00.003-08:00

Life is an exciting journey
Like a bus ride
You never could imagine that missing it may be a blessing
A bus totally empty just for you arrives
And you see God's hands in everything
He gives you exactly everything you ask for
In His own time and ways
Although sometimes it is really hard to see
But open your eyes wide
And you know that God has a heart
For you

2011-02-13T07:44:00.001-08:00

You said 11pm.

Goodbye my lover

2011-02-12T07:17:00.003-08:00

. . .
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover
Goodbye my friend
You have been the one
You have been the one for me
. . .

A splendid thousand suns

2011-01-16T21:36:00.003-08:00

I finished reading the book yesterday. It was exciting, touching and most of all, uplifting.

A beautiful Monday, partly because there is no school, but largely because it is indeed beautiful. The gentle sun and the wind reminds me of just yesterday when three of us sat at the playground. There was not much to talk about, but silence was definitely not awkward, instead quite enjoyable. It is a joy to realize that Alaric is happy in camp, even looking forward to booking in. The way he talks about his poly kids radiates a heartwarming feeling about how much he has bonded with them and how much he loves their company. It is just great to know that a friend is doing well and genuinely happy.

So this is 2011.

It was started with unhappy feelings about the Moo relationship, which I deem quite stupid. May be I was quite dumb the whole of last year in trying to change Moo into what I called a more Christlike person, and in the process, turned myself into a less Christlike person. It was ugly. I am still a dumb Moo, just not in that sense anymore.

We left for KL, three of us. It was a trisome with me as the point of connection. We ate great food, we drank cocktails, we shopped a little bit (I really mean it), we visited places, we watched Paranormal Activity 2, we shared a room with one extra mattress, we got lost, we refused to be cheated by taxi drivers and we played Pictureka on the journey home. That was our quick getaway before school started.

I decided to do another major in Geog, my favorite subject of all time. I realize one thing about myself, I have all along chosen what I like, not what my parents or my friends like. It is neither good nor bad, it is just a me thing. So I am taking 6 modules for this sem and Geog mods cannot be more exciting in spite of the huge amount of readings!!!!

I also had a more serious thought about putting more effort into my Christian growth. I used to believe that it is more of a natural process. However, being in contact with more brothers and sisters in Christ from different backgrounds, I realize that it is also an attempted effort. It is a committment to God. Only when my heart is set to follow Christ, to truly seek Him in His words, to faithfully serve Him, and to give Him priority in my life, do I grow. So more in-depth bible readings, joining NUS cell, serving in pre-school,going to J333 once a month, being part of d/e comm for Crusade; these are the callings that God has given me for this year. And I am excited for what God has in store for me, for the people whom I serve and the brothers and sisters whom I serve with.

With Moo, it is simply peacefulness. Thank you for your love.

For Mouse's friend

2010-12-02T21:24:00.003-08:00

A wound, which is taken good care of and let exposed to breathe, will heal faster than a wound, which is covered up. So talk to someone, shed your tears, quieten your heart, head forward. And time will do the rest.
It is easier said than done, but sooner or later, it will come.

Love Mouse's friend
Mouse

2010-11-20T06:18:00.002-08:00

Apparently, God is way beyond amazing. I have reached 1.9k in pledges for Gen 12ii and ran out of names to ask for support. I was praying really hard the other day for some open door to raise the last 200 dollars. It then struck me that if I really had faith that God would provide, there was no reason for me to worry about that 200 dollars. It will come, sooner or later. With such a happy thought, I forget about that 200 dollars and happily go about my mugging for my exam next week. It really came as a surprise when I received Wah Sun's sms saying that she would like to give 200 bucks!!! aha!!! God is real cool, isnt He?

Things have been stormy in our relationship so far. I gradually realize that probably I have grown to be too demanding and constantly expecting something out of you. It may be true after all that forcing out changes in you does not help. Service today spoke to me a lot. Every single word pastor said seemed to be for me and just for me alone. It is pretty much a very cool feeling you get when you attend a service which speaks the language of your heart. So thank God for this gentle reminder. And I thank God for you too, for being there for me even when I was throwing tantrum at you like a small girl. At the end of the day, I just want to love you for who you are.

I'm falling asleep as I type these lines...

zzzzz

SNOREeeeeee!!!!

2010-11-19T07:47:00.002-08:00

THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD I SHALL NOT WANT... help me to fix my eyes on You... This is all i want for now...

2010-11-14T06:55:00.002-08:00

This is the last time I'm gonna give a thought about this.
It is really not working anymore.
And there is really no other way.
May be you will know how i feel like after we break up.
I guess I have said enough.
And I have done enought for you.
I dont regret being in a relationship with you but there is a time for everything.
I know where to back off.
So here I am.
From the very start.
And here we are.
Two strangers.
Wish that you will find your passion in life and find someone who love you and respect that passion of yours.
I am just not.
Thanks for everything.
Will keep you in prayer still.

2010-07-24T12:39:00.002-07:00

I am listening to A Twist in my Story.
There was a twist in our story, but only you knew it.
I have really no clue. And I remember this is not the first time I run into this kinda situation, not with you but with other people. They are all my close people because otherwise, I wouldnt be bothered so much.
And I am hoping for another twist now so that things will be steered back to the right direction, to where we used to be. Or at least, to where we are supposed to be.
I dont know where I went wrong. And I am sorry still because I know no matter how hard I try, I dont always look at things the way you do. I am sorry for all the things that could have possibly irritated you.
I really want to be your close friend, as simple as that.

2010-07-24T12:27:00.002-07:00

Dear God,
I think I am very broken.
Something very wrong is going on here.
But I really dont know why.
A voice is telling me that You are not where You are supposed to be.
May be I am not putting You first all this time.
May be that's why I find it so hard to feel loved.
May be I have learnt the lesson that only You can be my everything, and no one else.
I am trying to make someone else meeting all my needs and I am failed.
I am disappointed and hurt.
I dont even know who is right and who is wrong anymore.
But may be that is not even important after all, trying to reason it out.
This is a painful way to learn it.
A heartbreaking one.
So be my everything
Come and fix me please
Thank You God
Amen

Love And War

2010-05-08T22:35:00.002-07:00

We're getting a free book from john eldredge!!! hahahaa how cool is that(by blogging about his new book)

Anyway, for those of you who don't know, John Eldredge is a christian writer of books. The first book i read is called Wild At Heart. For me, it stirred up something inside me which eventually became the trigger factor for my acceptance of christ on 2nd April 2010, Good Friday.

wild at heart is a book about boyhood and manhood, and all the issues surrounding it.
after that, i bought walking with god, and love it as well, tho not as much as wild at heart. and so we're blogging cos we love john's writings!!

Love and war is about marriage, and the way to achieve the marriage you dreamed of. but its not just any ordinary marriage book. john writes it in a very personal point of view by penning out his own life story, his own marriage story with stasi. and so that appeals to us, for the book is extremely personal and he even reveals his own problems, and how we can overcome them!

what i especially like is that john does not preach christianity as a discipline, but a pursuit of the heart. and so its a daring risk-filled journey of transformation and understanding more than a matter of daily bible reading and not sinning. YAYE!!!

Always thank the Lord

2010-04-20T20:48:00.000-07:00

Walking out of your house, I saw an auntie reading the bible
I thank God for her passion for His words
At S-11, I saw a group of ladies saying Grace
I thank God for their faithfulness
At J8, I saw this guy whom we met at Danny's church
I thank God for the inner joy He leaves us with and the abounding love He gives us, for those things lift us up from all situations in life

Dear God,
Remind me to be thankful always for Your Grace is enough.
In Jesus's name, I pray.
AMEN

Sometimes love just aint enough

2010-04-17T09:22:00.000-07:00

There's a danger in loving somebody too much

Runaway Love

2010-04-13T08:27:00.002-07:00

I had a self declared holiday today, cos I was sick in the morning. I had fever yesterday and it was so so terrible that I felt like fainting in the midst of running around greeting customers and taking order. I had no choice but ending work early. Thank God I was able to drag myself home and throw myself on my soft bed. You came over to give me medicine and I had no idea that you have tummy-ache!!!! So we ended up sleeping on the sofa and cabbed back to your house in the middle of the night!!! What an exciting trip!!!

I'm reading this book called The ten girls who made a difference! The stories are simple but I am thankful that God does speak to me through those stories!!!

Sleeping timeee.....
zzzzzz......
I want rum rum raisin!!!!

Blessed be Your name

2010-04-02T20:18:00.003-07:00

I have triple blessings!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You received Christ!!!
I get into Cornell!!!!
Andddd..... I didnt have fin aid!!!!!!!!!

God is amazing!!!!

Here I am

2010-03-16T20:33:00.002-07:00

My first week at work passed so quickly! It was fun! I'm so thankful for all the people working with me! They have been great source of help, care and entertainment as well!!! Sometimes when the bar is really empty, we have good chat and tease one another about anything possible. They love teasing me about you friend and Aaron keeps calling you army boy!!!! When it is crowded, it is really mad!!!! Sometimes, people forget to pay and we forget who ordered what!!! Though the pay is not much, I love the place and the people! And I'm thankful for this very simple fact that even when I am wiping the tables, Christian music is being played!!! I will bring my church CD there soon!!! But it is nowhere to be found yet!!! Hehe!!!

Praying with you over the phone is really encouraging friend! I pray that God will slowly build your faith in Him!!! God has been working in you in such an unexpected and amazing way!!! I decided to wait till my first salary to buy Captivating! I guess the feeling is just different when it is your first salary!!!

Will wait till this weekend to do NUS app with you!!!

I'm supposed to go out for lunch with DawnXiuJessSher this Sat but Chop booked me first!!!Haha!!! Next weekend then!!! We can celebrate Dawn's birthday!!!

P/S: I had no mosquito bite yesterday!!!

And how is your shooting this morning?

Far away

2010-03-07T22:39:00.002-08:00

Hello!

You are at your camp now. I think the weather is just terrible. I pray that God will take care of you, physically and spiritually.

I am at National library now. I have work later. I'm quite excited to learn new things there like making drinks and stuff.

I know that I wont have the blessing of hearing your voice everynight for this week. And I pray that God will keep us stay strong.

Weekend with you was so fun and sweet. I thank God that we become more and more attached and that we can talk about anything. I love us and I think we are so very blessed. I feel very blessed getting to know the people whom you hold dear to as well, like your mom. I really dont mind teaching her more about facebook every weekend.

I cant imagine being with anyone else but you.

Deep in my heart, I always know that I chose the difficult path.

But I dont regret.

Thank God.

Two is better than one

2010-03-02T06:38:00.002-08:00

It has been 2 days since you booked in and I have been quite busy running here and there to settle my work in Singapore. Thank God for the smooth run of things and a pleasant turn of events.

It is only when I lay down on your bed and cover my face with Blanky that I start to miss you so so much. A heart wrenching feeling, which makes tears stream down so easily in such a nonstopping manner. On my way to MRT today, as I walked past the path that we have walked together hand in hand so many times, I thought about you. You were probably somewhere running under the hot sun, or shouting out random noises. You were just half an hour of drive and one hour of ferry (is it???) away from me, but it seemed so far away. It seemed like we were world apart. May be it is true, because I will never understand what you are going through and how you are feeling inside there. Put it this way, I may understand, but I cant really relate to you. So it was a pang of sadness for me to come to realize that I cant do anything to help you when you feel so bleak. What you said made perfect sense! But again, my only reason is that I have strong Faith that something good will come out of it if you press on and persevere. Pray friend! I believe that God will show you the way! Talk to Danny and ask him to pray with you as well!

It is nice to accompany your mum and your grandma at home watching Korean Drama and Kungfu Kitchen. Tomorrow I am moving out about 11am!

I was not disappointed.

I was not sad.

I was just confused. I dont know whether to persuade you with that Faith of mine or just let it be your way.

And I know that it sounds stupid to you, but I start thinking about whether I will be able to support your many other decisions in the future.

Will off the light for your grandma now!

Bye friend!

I thank God once again for the very fact that you are seeking Him with all your heart! And I'm still praying for the moment that you will finally let Him in!

Dear God

2010-02-28T05:14:00.002-08:00

I simply want to thank You for EVERYTHING
The happiness, the hardship, the uplifting moments, the hopelessness, the worries, the trust, the peace, the encouragement, the love and the faith.
Amazing Grace that You have for me
EVERYTHING is part and parcel of following Your heart.
I shall not quit.

"For the joy of the Lord is your strength"

Here we go again

2010-02-21T01:57:00.002-08:00

I try my best to make time for you, and for us. I know you do too friend.

But you think that there is not much you can do when we are far apart. Why? Isnt it you have to do more and try harder in a long distance relationship?

I think every minute talking to you or seeing you is precious because I really really dont know what will happen tomorrow. I treasure them all. I am okay with you just chilling out and relaxing as you want. Like last time I told you, we could do our own things, being happy in each other's company. But it is not this feeling that surfaces this time round. It is the feeling that you are just maintaining our relationship. The fact is that if I were not there, you would not be bothered? It is not that you dont want to talk to me, I agree. It is just that you are fine with not talking to me There is a difference I guess. That is where I get sad because I feel extra and stupid. Maybe you are thinking that I am really dumb for making a fuss over this.

I do look forward to weekends friend. But I realize that you dont need me to be there all the time.

Maybe I am just unreasonable and moody.

And I can tell that you are bored and fed up with all of this

I'm sorry.

P/S: Do you mind listening to Dear God by Fm Static?

Inevitable Here without you Tonight

2010-02-18T20:53:00.002-08:00

Tonight I've fallen and I cant get up.

I need your loving hands to come and pick me up.

And everynight I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are holding you , holding you, holding you tonight.

But all the miles that seperate disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face.

I'm here without you baby but you're still on my lonely mind.

I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time.

I'm here without you baby, but you're still with me in my dreams.

And tonight, it's only you and me.

We could stay in this moment for the rest of our lives.

Is it over now?

I want to be your last first kiss that you'll ever have.

I want to be your last first kiss...

P/S: Fm Static is a Christian band!!!!!!!!

Nam het Tet den

2010-02-12T23:43:00.002-08:00

Veo mot cai the la den 30 Tet roi. May hom truoc Ha Noi con nong nhu mua he, hoa dao no tung toe. Hom qua troi tro gio. Tinh day thay se se lanh, me da tat quat tu luc nao ko biet. Dung la hoa cuoi, nguoi cung cuoi. Banh chung, gio mo voi canh mang, the la do mot noi lo cho me. Thay Tet den, me con vat va gap may lan ngay thuong. Tat ta di het noi nay den noi no, mua het cai nay den cai kia, ve den nha thi lai don dep, lo cung tat nien. May nam nay co minh o nha, vua giup me duoc vai thu, cung vua sam sua Tet voi me cho vui. Nhieu khi cung bao me la me cu ve viec ra ma lam, don gian thoi cho do met. Me bao la ca nam cung duoc co ngay Tet, don gian nhung van phai day du. Dung la Me.

Gio mua ve, troi hoi am u, co ve ret muot the nay moi co khong khi giao thua. Cai cam giac buon buon tiec nuoi. Biet la nam moi den day, nhung cung co nghia la nam cu se qua di, cai gi qua di du vui du buon ma chang khien nguoi ta suy nghi mot ti, tram tu mot ti. Chang biet nam qua minh da lam duoc nhung gi roi? Cuoi cung thi cung het 4 nam hoc bong, bay gio lai thanh long bong that hoc! Chang co viec gi lam, chua co dinh huong tuong lai, tat ca van chi dang o thi " Neu", cau tra loi cho cau hoi nao cung chac chan la " Chac la"! Tu bay gio cho den luc di hoc dai hoc cung phai con den nua nam nua! Chang biet the nao ca! Minh so nhat la canh Nhan cu vi bat thien, khong phai la minh se quan chi lam hai ai. Chi so ranh roi qua, nghi nhieu, thanh ra nghi lung tung!

Hom qua Dau Tay duoc ve nha. Trong co ve den hon mot ti, nhin thay khong the khong cuoi. Khong phai la vi buon cuoi, ma la vi suong. Ca hai dua cuoi toe toet. Tu nhien muon moi Dau sang Viet Nam an Tet qua! That ra trong mot tuan Dau di NS, toi nao cung nam tren giuong, nghi! Khong nghi lung tung, ma la nghi theo tieu chi dinh huong tuong lai. Tuong lai gan, roi den tuong lai xa. Chua nghi ra duoc cai gi thi da thay truoc mat trai ra mot mau, nhoe nhoet. Minh luon tin la Chua da sap san moi viec, nhung ma muon biet cai su sap dat ay no nhu the nao.

Nguoi ta hay noi ""30 chua phai la Tet", roi nha minh lai co cau "Mung 1 la het Tet". Chac la Tet se chi ngan ngui the thoi.

Biet lam the nao duoc khi trong long khong phai la Tet...

Your Call

2010-02-08T08:41:00.002-08:00

When you are sad, call on John 14

I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you

When you have sinned, call on 1 John 1: 8-9

If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive our sins and cleanse us from all our unrightousness

When God feel far from you, call on Psalm 139

Search me, O God, and know my heart

When your faith needs encouraging, call on Hebrews 11

Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen... And without faith, it is impossible to please Him for whoever draw near to God would believe that He exists and that He would reward those who seek Him... And all these, though commended through their faith, did not receive what was promised, since God had provided something better from us that apart from us they should not be made perfect

When you are scared, call on Psalm 23

The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want

When you are worried, call on Matthew 6:34

Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own troubles

When you are losing hope, call on 2 Thessalonians 2: 16-17

Now may our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and gave us eternal comfort through grace, comfort your hearts and establish them in every good work and word

When you are seeking peace, call on John 14:27

Peace I leave with you, my peace I give to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid

When you dont understand what God is doing, call on Isaiah 55:8-9

For my thoughts are not your thoughts

Neither are your ways my ways, declare the Lord

For as the heavens are higher than the earth

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts

What number should I dial now?

P/S: When you pray, call on Matthew 6: 9-13

40 kinds of sadness

2010-02-07T08:36:00.002-08:00

For the first time, I find a soccer match EXCITING!
I guess it is because I have a team to cheer for!!!

Suddenly feel a bit lost
In God
I dont know what He really wants for me right now
I dont know if it is really God's plan or if it is that I am just useless, when things dont turn out the way I want them to
Can He just seriously speak to me?

But have I really listened?

Dear God, draw near to me as I draw near to You please...

Prettiest Friend

2010-02-04T22:08:00.002-08:00

Hi papaya cutter gonna be!!!
I dont believe you know you're amazing how...

I pray that God will bless your NS!!!
See you and your botak head next week!!!!!!!!!!

And she will be loved

2010-02-01T01:05:00.003-08:00

I just realize something, Mom has a story to tell. She always does. But most of the time, I am too busy regarding her as a mother, a wife, a teacher; not as the core of who she is, a woman. She has her childhood stories. She made her own mistakes. She holds her own regrets. And she makes me think twice. I have been everything to her, yet a friend.
For the first time in my life, I suddenly feel this daughter-mother connection. It is just simply the urge to get to know her better. It sounds funny; I have known Mom since the moment I was born. So? 20 years down the road, here I am: being able to see her, yet seeing through her.
I truly want to take time to listen to her now, not because I have no other option or I don't want her to get mad. I am just interested. There is so much to read into what she has to say. There are secrets that I want her to share with me. That way, I want her to feel loved.
If I want to get to know Mom better, may be I can help in getting her to know herself better.

You and me

2010-01-29T08:22:00.002-08:00

I have blue diary. And it constantly stares at me to remind me of you. As I flipped the pages to see your ugly scribbles in pencil, I smiled. As I started reading, I cried. Something is wrong with me today.
After that one week at your house, I realize that I want a future with you, much more than I thought I did.
Watching Friends with you, laughing our heads off.
Eating with you in front of the TV.
Falling asleep while watching soccer with you.
Being disturbed by you.
Hugging you tightly.
Swimming with you. (as if i could swim)
Trying my best to wake you up every morning.
Eating ice cream with you in the middle of the night.
Listening to you playing Try.
Seeing you drool on Blanky
And...

All these sweetest memories can last me for a long long time friend.
Missing you so much.

Duong nhu mua dong da ve...

2010-01-20T08:59:00.002-08:00

Tham thoat cung hon mot thang ngay ve nha, ve voi mua dong cua Ha Noi. Tu hom ve den gio, chua hom nao thay troi sang len. Khong khi luc nao cung se se lanh, buon buon. O trong nha ma cung phai xuyt xoa vi lanh. Ngoi go may tinh thoi ma tay cung cong lai, chan lanh buot. Dung la mua dong moi lam cho con nguoi ta thau hieu duoc gia tri thuc cua su am ap. Am ap voi chiec khan len to su. Am ap voi nhung bua com nong hoi cua me. Am ap voi nhung buoi ban be gap go tam su troi bien. Hay chi gian don la am ap khi nhan duoc mot cai tin nhan, duoc nghe mot giong noi than thuong.

Mua dong nay vua co niem vui lan noi buon. Co nhung luc do khoc do cuoi, khong biet nhu the nao moi toai long. Niem vui cam nhan trong choc lat, suoi am xua tan cai gia lanh. Con noi buon thi am i, chi truc moi lan gio thoi se lanh la lai ua ve. Bong dung muon khoc...

Mua dong va nhung du tinh tuong lai, nhung quyet dinh chop nhoang.

Chi la vai ngay thoi ma lai thay luu luyen.

Ngay mai, tam biet mua dong Ha Noi...

If life is so short...

2010-01-19T07:52:00.002-08:00

I cant believe it
Just all of a sudden
Still remember
You made us present about our favorite books
You told me that I was a spontaneous and fun girl
You brought us stuff for CNY
You were so caring
Some photos I took with you, and you looked just so very happy
You always do

May God's peace be with you
May He take care of your family and friends too

Can someone tell me that it is not true?
Please...

Love the world soul rock

2010-01-14T06:33:00.002-08:00

If our greatest need were money
God would have sent us a banker
If our greatest need were pleasure and fun
God would have sent us an entertainer
If our greatest need were food
God would have sent us a chef and a farmer
If our greatest need were education
God would have sent us an educator
God looked beyond our needs and into our sin sick soul
He sent us a Savior to behold

P/S: Thank God! And thank Jess!!!!

All the things you know

2010-01-08T08:24:00.002-08:00

I suddenly miss my juniors so so much!!!
So so touched with the present from HaLinh!!!!!Ahhhhh!!!Yeu ban cua mouse too!!! Chop Chop!!!
A great news!!!!

The anticlimax is I am feeling so sleepy now...

Life is wonderful

2010-01-05T02:03:00.003-08:00

Back from an amazing (at the speed of light) trip with Mom and HaLinh!!!!!!!
Mom was awesome, though she drove me crazy once!!!
Che brought us around Hue, eating so so so much!!! Loving Hue's food and Hue's aura!!! A very calm feeling of a small old capital...
Had great fun walking around Hue at a very late hour with Nghi!!! He showed us this tree from Africa, which was the only one of its kind in Asia!!! And we laughed so much!!!
Visited all the monuments in Hue!!! The architecture and the fengshui there totally rocks my world!!!
Leaving Hue after one day...
And Hoi An is just too cute with lanterns everywhere, and small houses built by the Jap and the Chinese a long time ago. Bought a pretty pair of shoes!!!
My Son was serioulsy a mistery. A sanctuary built from stones and bricks without cement!!! And it lasted till now except for some parts, which were bombed in the war!!!Heard about it a few years ago, but seeing it for myself and listening to its history was an entirely different story!!!
And we came to Da Nang to visit the twins!!! Vibrant city with lots of potential and nice food too!!! Had a nice chatting session with them in a cafe with live music!!! (No wonder it was so ex!!!haha!!!)
Set off for Ba Na the next morning!!!Gosh!!! It was just breathtaking looking down from the cable car at the height of about 1400m!!! The entire scenery with mountains and waterfall!!! The first thought came to my mind was that there were still many ;beautiful parts of my country which I had never been to!!! So amazing the work of God's hands!!! The project in Ba Na is still in progress with a casino is being built! Cant wait for the day it is completed!!! So exciting!!! Imagine spending a night in some beautiful resort at the height of 1478m!!!
Our last stop was Son Tra peninsula!!!!!!!!Ahhhh!!!Vietnam's beach is so pretty!!!! So so so nice!!! Had a fun time playing and screaming!!! Took some photos there too!!!
Reached home at 12pm and slept!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm so in love with Vietnam!!!!!!

Happy New Year!!!!!!!

2009-12-31T05:38:00.002-08:00

Going on a holiday in one hour time
Packed everything nicely and....my mom unpacked everything and repacked exactly the same way!!!!!! Gosh!!!!!!!
Talking to sushi!!!!
Need to change now!!!!!!!
Gonna meet Che soon!!!!!!!!
Andddddddddd....

Happy new year everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

God will take care of you

2009-12-28T00:43:00.002-08:00

Be not dismayed whatever be tide
God will take care of you
Beneath His wings of love abide
God will take care of you
God will take care of you
Through everyday, over all the way
He will care for you
God will take care of you
...

Messed up
God knows I've tried...

Twinkle

2009-12-22T14:05:00.000-08:00

I received this parcel from a witty talented cute working class guy...
Key chain
Initial D
Barry
Happiness
and Pure Joy, for real!!!!

Headlines-Friendship never ends

2009-12-21T20:14:00.000-08:00

A belated birthday celebration
A reunion of close friends
A time of laughter and honest sharing
A heart-warming feeling
...
We chilled out at So Hot!
And I realize: Though each one of us has changed, WE don't change.
Thank God for the great time!

I wish I could read diary and be with you!

P/S: I have mastered the art of praying to God like talking to a friend these days! It is just cool! It makes me feel close to God again and less of a habit or ritual in prayer!Thank God! AMEN!

Thank you for the music

2009-12-20T20:43:00.000-08:00

Dear God,
I just want to thank You so much for all of my friends, who have flooded me with Facebook notifications, with sms, and with calls. They made me feel so special and loved!I pray that You will send some angels to watch over our friendship, forever and always!

Hey Jess!!!
Dont know if you are reading this but still have to say that your postcard totally made my day!!!!really!!!!!!!We will always be dearest sisters in Christ!!!!Have great fun in US!!! I will be keeping you in prayer!!!

Thank God for mommy, daddy and big bro as well! They have been understanding, loving, and funny throughout my 19 years in this world. As part and parcel of life, there were moments when they totally got on my nerve, but we are family, and that's not gonna change for the rest of my life. So I pray to God that You will help me to appreciate them more for I love them loadssss.

Okay!
Guess what?
I've turned 19+ today!!!!

P/S: And I really love sushi to the maxxxx!!!!!!!Have fun!!!!!!!!

Have a little faith

2009-12-16T08:58:00.000-08:00

Guess what!
Someone got into Cornell with full fin aid!
And this totally destroyed my day!!!!!!!
I am so allowed to feel sad today...

Dawn was probably right: may be God thinks that the sheep at Cornell is too smelly for me, may be He wants to make me less lazy by making me write 7 essays more, and may be He just does not want to let me drown during the first swimming lesson at Cornell!
Thanks Dawn!!!!!!!!!!
Suddenly miss you guys so much....

Okay!!!
God is cool still!!!
Pray that I will be able to finish all these stressful uni apps, and the same for friends!
Amen!

P/S: I thank God for my mom, who was trying to help me in searching for schools with lots of fin aid!!! She is just so cute!!!!!!!
And I nearly fainted to see your bloody wisdom teeth!!!!! But you were tough friend! Love you!!!!

Vanilla Twilight

2009-12-15T09:27:00.000-08:00

The stars lean down to kiss you,
And I lie awake I miss you,
Pour me a heavy dose of atmosphere.
Cause I'll doze off safe and soundly,
But I'll miss your arms around me
I'll send a postcard to you dear,
Cause I wish you were here.

I watch the night turn light blue,
But it's not the same without you,
Because it takes two to whisper quietly,
The silence isn't so bad,
Till I look at my hands and feel sad,
Cause the spaces between my fingers
Are right where yours fit perfectly.

I'll find opposing new ways,
Though I haven't slept in two days,
Cause cold nostalgia chills me to the bone.
But drenched in Vanilla twilight,
I'll sit on the front porch all night,
Waist deep in thought because when I think of you.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.
I don't feel so alone.

As many times as I blink I'll think of you... tonight.
I'll think of you tonight.

When violet eyes get brighter,
And heavy wings grow lighter,
I'll taste the sky and feel alive again.
And I'll forget the world that I knew,
But I swear I won't forget you,
Oh if my voice could reach back through the past,
I'd whisper in your ear,
Oh darling I wish you were here.

P/S: A song for us, isn't it?

I'm yours

2009-12-13T08:29:00.000-08:00

Okay...
Here is the funny thing about me. I decided to not contact you at all. What for? I don't know, testing I guess, both you and me! (Okay, mainly you). And before I even knew it, I got so worried and sad when you didn't reply me. Reason being? You were just sleeping...:D
....
Here is the unsure part of me. Did you really make the right choice as you always said? Tell me if you find out otherwise.

I am grateful that Home is sweet except for some blow up the other day. But everything is fine now. I am just too special to him so it is just a little bit hard for him to get used to the fact that I have a boyfriend now. It is safe to say that he is a bit jealous with you. After all, I am his little girl, always!!!

Pray that ToLan and HaLinh will soon enjoy some peace! Gotta visit ToLan soon, otherwise, I think she will die of boredom!

Off to sleep now!!!
Love the world tomorrow!!!
Thank God for everything so far!

Thank you

2009-11-27T07:28:00.000-08:00

I thank God for

1. To Lan. I realized no matter how crazy she seemed those past weeks and no matter how huge a wall we tried to build against each other, we are still so much us. She is still so much my little friend... I pray that God will give you the courage to tell the truth though the future is so uncertain. Honestly, i would have absolutely no idea of what to do if I were in your situation. But I will always be there in every step you take k!!! Love you!!!!! So so so much! I just realize I can never afford to lose this friendship!

2. Ha Linh. One deep breath. AND YOU DID IT!!!!!!!!!!! I nearly cried!!!! Just too significant such a moment. Excited for your journey ahead?

3. Che!!!! I realize how much i miss talking to her!!! I really wish that I did spend more time with her then! going to write her long long letter soon!!! But i'm going to reread all the letters i wrote to her 2 years ago!!!! Will miss her a lot!!!

4. Hang! You and I gave her JC today (She requested that the name should not be mentioned in public!!!hahaha). Without her, i may only realize that I love you after As. And I cant imagine what I would do!!!!

5. And you... so fun splashing water at you today. I watched you walk away, cross the bridge, and disappear. Just scared one day you will just walk out of my life. I don't know what i will do. What will you do?

P/S: Like I said, God gives. God takes. And I say thanks, always.

Lucky

2009-11-26T06:52:00.000-08:00

Do you hear me,

I'm talking to you

Across the water across the deep blue ocean

Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying

Boy I hear you in my dreams

I feel your whisper across the sea

I keep you with me in my heart

You make it easier when life gets hard

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

They don't know how long it takes

Waiting for a love like this

Every time we say goodbye

I wish we had one more kiss

I'll wait for you I promise you, I will

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

And so I'm sailing through the sea

To an island where we'll meet

You'll hear the music, fell the air

I'll put a flower in your hair

Though the breezes through trees

Move so pretty you're all I see

As the world keeps spinning round

You hold me right here right now

I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend

Lucky to have been where I have been

Lucky to be coming home again

I'm lucky we're in love in every way

Lucky to have stayed where we have stayed

Lucky to be coming home someday

P/S: From mouse with loads of love!!!!

A time for us

2009-11-23T18:42:00.000-08:00

Woke up with puffy eyes, knowing that every thing is fine after all.

I thank God so much for you.

Fighting, crying, laughing.

That's how you walk me into this relationship.

I know i'm spoilt. But you will help me.

And for that, I'm grateful.

Happy 2 month anniversary!

Love you

P/S: 15 days left. Cant wait for physics paper 3 to be over though it will be a hard paper I guess. Just talked to HaLinh. And regretting not hugging ToLan just now.

Everything I'm not

2009-11-22T17:42:00.000-08:00

Hello friend!

I really mean it when I said sorry.

I walked out of the house, knowing that you would be irritated and that I would once again make everything go wrong.

But there was this part of me knew that no matter what I would be safe around you.

Your reactions made me scared and I had no clue about what to do next.

May be I should stop making your world revolve around me.

You say it's kiddish. And you don't fancy it.

This is just one of the million things that you do not like about my kiddish nature.

I will try to change, just scared that I wont be myself when I am around you anymore if i try too hard. And that's the last thing you want, I know it for sure.

I will try, at the same time, I am just wondering if you have ever considered learning to love those parts of me. Have you . . .?

Thanks for telling me all of this.

Love you,

P/S: Have a blessed Sunday and take a break from me k. I dont want you to get tired from loving me.

Your Grace is enough

2009-11-13T17:12:00.000-08:00

Things have been fine. Midway through As. Extra time did help a bit for Geog and hopefully Econs, but kinda unnecessary for Maths.

I read Captivating yesterday, and realized a very basic thing: I have tried so hard to fill the hole in my heart myself, knowing that there is no one better than God to do the job. And I never knew that God has a place in His heart which only I can get access to too. So it is quite mutual, I want God in my life and He longs for me.

I need something starting with letter G. It's Your Grace. So much...

May be it was a chain of events. May be it was a lack of events. May be it was just the way it had all along been.

I really have no clue about it, and no clue about you.

God knows I've tried.

And He told me to keep trying.

P/S: I told her that she has nice specs just now. Thanks for walking me out of my comfort zone and helping me face all the the thoughts I feel like pushing away. I love you as always! And its time to wake up dear!

P/S: Planning a trip with HaLinh!!! Would be cool man!!!

Jesus, take the wheel

2009-10-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

May be the time is now.
May be that's what it feels like to trust God completely.

P/S: Thanks Nghi for this song! Praying that you will have a great time reading the bible!

Assuredly Yours

2009-09-29T00:23:00.000-07:00

All that I am is in You

All that I seek is to follow You

I run to Your side when You call

There is the hope I am longing for

Just to be by your side

There is hope in my life

There is no greater freedom I’ll find

So take my life

And all that I have to give

Take my world

Just inhabit all of it

Take my dreams

Make me assuredly Yours

It is just amazing to be able to thank God everyday, simply for my life in Him.

It is a relief to lift my burden up to Him.

Praying for ToLan.

P/S: I like my new theme loadsss!!!! Thanks to HaLinh!!! Chop Chop!!!! I really really really love her so much!!!!!Breakfast with you was as sweet and blissful as always. I guess it really doesnt matter where we go or what we do. So tada *kiss from the heart*!!!!

Try

2009-09-28T06:03:00.000-07:00

I went for service on Sunday, after such a long long time. I guess everyone was so shocked to have seen me, the first thing they did was to scream. It was really nice and wonderful to come back to church knowing that my presence would always be welcome. I accompanied Tham for adult service. It was just good to be able to go to church with Tham. It seemed like an eternity since we last went to church together, went for cell, or planned stuff for our cell kids. I thank God so much for this opportunity to let our hearts be still in God's presence. I thank God for Tham as well. As I said, everyone has ups and downs sometimes. I wont bug you for the reason because I think it does not matter anymore. Our friendship stands. Enjoy your trip back home. I pray that God will be watching over you, blessing your reunion with your family, and finallly creating some space for you to be with Him.

Youth service was just superb. I was so moved by God. And I guess Jess was too. I thank God for the powerful worship, which spoke right to my heart and my struggles. Just make me assuredly Yours, just take over my world, take all my dreams, and take care of my heart so that I can stand strong on Your words, and unashamed in front of You.

I thank God for Jess for the great suggestion of going for service, for being an encouragement as always, and for living a life reflecting Your love and Your words.
I thank God for SuHui Jie for her passion for Jesus, for simply rejoicing with me.
I thank God for pastor for always bearing in mind the persecution we have to face and keeping track of me always. I'm meeting her for tea this Thursday. Exciting!!!

We told our parents and friends about us. I thank God for their understanding. I guess what I need the most now is someone to tell me that I am really on the right track, and there is no better way. I have no doubt about my feeling, but I'm just insecure about my decision and the future. I treasure every single moment with you, but sometimes when I look at you, it hurts badly for I know that we may not be able to work it out at the end of the day, and that probably it will be a sad ending. I know there is nothing we can say or do about it for now, and only time will tell. God has a plan for us, so I just pray that I will be able to follow God's will even when it hurts.

Dear God,
I'm praying for ToLan. I pray that You will show her the way, give her a clear conscience, and guide her heart. I know it is very hard a struggle she is going through, and probably no one else can understand it. I really dont know what to do either. So I just lift this matter up to You and have faith that You will watch over her and her heart. And just prompt me if there is anything I can do for her. Thank you Jesus!

Thats about it for now I guess!

P/S: The new Starbucks is really cool!!!! If I were still in NanYang, I would go to Starbucks to study everyday!!! haha!!! And telling you about my dream was spr dpr embarrassing! But it was very sweet and gentle rite? Take care of my cap!

The heart never lies

2009-09-26T03:10:00.000-07:00

I thank God so much for JessSher and HaLinh, for being really really understanding. I would have been terribly lost without them talking me through this.
I thank God for you, for being just amazingly mindful and sweet.
And I pray that God will safeguard our hearts.

P/s: Are you sure that you only saw one star?:D

Psalm 23

2009-09-22T07:33:00.000-07:00

Prelim is pretty much over for our class! And I seriously thank God so so much for this entire period, for the strength He provided me with, for the inner peace He granted me, for the love He filled me with, and for the trust He placed in me as I placed mine in Him!

I always think about how I should trust God! But recently I realize that God trusts me so much as well. My parents brought me up, and when its time to let me fly with my own wings, they trust that I will be able to soar high and continue flying after every fall. It is the same way with God. He gives me new life in Him and trusts that I will be able to make the best out of this new life. He gives me the Holy Spirit, and trusts that I will be able to enjoy its fruits. He gives me faith and trusts that I will be able to believe in things which are unseen. He gives me love and trusts that I will let it overflow. He gives me more than enough and trusts that I will always come back for more.
And sometimes God gives me a broken heart so that I know that He can mend all things.

I guess I'm reading Captivating soon!

I thank God for HaLinh for just being there for me all the time, for Hang hieo and j Lou for being really caring and sensitive when I was crying my head off yesterday, and for Jess for asking me whether I felt sad this morning (which I actually did)! I thank God for the thing called friendship!!!

P/s: I really mean it when I say I feel like a princess! Deeply treasured and cared for! I don't mind being your little princess! And I thank God for you friend, for all the things you say and do, like calling just to check on me, dropping by to visit me, accompanying me, reading Chinese newspaper with me (though your Chinese is like D7) and even nagging me about eating all day long! Thank you for creating all these details in the fabric, though I know they will taste bittersweet!
And I am wholeheartedly praying that you will get to know God one day, even though I may not be here to rejoice with you.

Innocence

2009-08-16T08:20:00.000-07:00

I discovered that I had hearing problem when it came to lyrics.
But I didnt get it wrong when it came to the brilliance of innocence.
Its the best feeling when I know that friendship is pure and untainted.
So yeah, I'd rather you keep that innocence friend.

P/S: Love you loadsssss!!!!!

Mom

2009-08-15T08:30:00.000-07:00

"....
I look across the table into my mother's beautiful eyes and see a thousand things.
I see that its taking all her strength to keep from leaping up and helping the waitress clear the table.
I see how much she wants to run back into the restaurant's kitchen and wash the pans.
I see that she's worried about the busboy's tired arms, the cashier's tired feet, and that its all she can do not to take the rest of her meal out the that nice young man parking the cars.
Mom in a restaurant is a like a single guy at a party. Her eyes are always busy.
Who's here?
Who might need help?
Who has a spot she cant get out?
Who needs a dab more mashed potatoes?
Who has a loose shoelace?
Who cant read the menu?
Who needs a button fixed?
Who needs a tissue?
Who needs a shoulder?
Who needs help with the door?
Who needs direction to the restroom?
Who needs a compliment?
Who needs his faith restored?
Who needs a friend?
Who needs a husband or a wife?
Mom's radar extends so far beyond me. She's so many people's mom besides my own. A multispecies mom. She takes in every stray animal. Drives injured birds to the vet. Carries bugs outside to be reunited with loved ones. Apologizes before squashing an ant.
She travels with as much as she can carry of what everyone might need.... Her purse is like a 15 pound rescue van.
Her mind is like a purse. She has everything in there. What to do if the child at the library gets the hiccups... What to say if a complete stranger looks a little bit sad. What to write on a note that will change someone's outlook on life.
She lives to help, to fix, to advise, to cheer, to uplift, to encourage, to feed, to humor, to heal. She's a friend, a therapist, a guide, a saint.
Everyone, but everyone, loves my mom.
Me, she drives crazy."
By Cathy Guisewite

P/S: Everyone goes through life taking mommy love for granted sometimes, and no one will ever be able to grasp its wonder.

Now and then

2009-08-08T18:29:00.001-07:00

I kept your letter in my letter box after breaking my promise to you.

I cried over it again and again.

For I cant imagine anyone else could think of me that way

For I feel deeply deeply loved.

For I know I will miss you real real much, and you will too.

You are not supposed to okay!

I will never ever forget even the slightest details for they all are kept in my wardrobe and held dear to me, always!

P/S: And I still may think of you now and then ...

Let's talk about Love

2009-07-24T08:10:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I wondered what I'd be when I grew up
And then I remembered it was anything I dreamed of
I could be a poet or a singer
I can be a scientist
But before I make that decision
Let's talk about my list

Let's talk about love
Let's talk about peace
to living in perfect harmony
Let's talk about hugs
and talk about ways that we can share
Let's talk about you
Let's talk about me
Let's talk about how we can be one big family
Let's talk about love
Let's talk about love

Sometimes I feel like i wanna give my friends a call
to tell them what I'm dreaming and everything I want
I want us to be a little closer
And to always reach out a hand
To be kind to one another
And to always understand
It's all about love
It's all about peace
and living in perfect harmony
It's all about hugs
and all about ways that we can share
It's all about you
It's all about me
It's all about how we can be one big family
It's all about love

Everybody has a heart
Everybody has a smile
Let's wrap a bow around each one
And give it away once in while

It's all about love
It's all about peace
and living in perfect harmony
It's all about hugs
and all about ways that we can share
It's all about you
It's all about me
It's all about how we can be one big family
It's all about love

P/s: Loveliest song ever!!!!

The grace by which I stand

2009-07-23T02:09:00.000-07:00

Dear God,
I find no better way to start my blog but with the word God! Everything springs from God, everything goes through Him and everything is resolved by Him!
I thank God deeply for the bible studying session today! It reminded me of the old time when JessSher did follow up with me! We had great fun and were in great fellowship and relationship with You God! We were filled with Your Love and by Your Grace, free from all the worries! We were full of the zeal and the passion to impart Your Love to others' lives God! It has been a long way since we got here today! Many things have happened and all the more I thank You God! Its not for that I am in perfect connection with You right now that I wanna thank You, because apparently, I am so not in proper connection with You due to the many distractions! Its not for the happy old time that I wanna thank You either! Its more of for the journey that leads me from there to here, from then to now that I wanna thank You!
All along this journey, there have been ups and downs: moments when I was desperate for Your words and moments when You were just a faint dot in my life, moments when everything was wonderful and bright and moments when I seemed so stuck and bogged down by my own problems! All along this journey, You have been there; its just a matter whether I realize and acknowledge your presence or not, and whether I give myself enough time to listen to your whisper of guidance or not! I have grown up a lot I guess since I now truly understand what it means by turning to You in EVERYTHING through prayer and waiting for You in PATIENCE! That's why Faith is so important!
I thank God for Tham so much so much!
I thank God for my lifelong friend too for not hiding anything from me! You know wad, if God can restore my broken friendship, surely He can protect our friendship k!
And i pray for our class!!!!
And NO ONE ELSE!!!!

Thinking of you

2009-07-18T04:37:00.000-07:00

God has never failed me! And this is not exception! My prayer was answered in the most unexpected circumstance ever, and all i wanted to do was to give you a huge hug to tell you how much I miss you, and how much I miss us!!! Things have not been right for such a long time that I cant even remember how to talk to you normally! I dont know if you feel anything, but for me, words are tangled and stuck deep within me! There are so many things I want to ask you, and probably so many things about you and your life that I have missed out during these few months of us treating each other like strangers! I have not yet to figure out how I am going to pick myself up and find the exact spot where we left off to start over, but I believe that God is with me again and always! And true friends will be able to somehow find each other along their paths!

I woke up today thinking of God and His Grace! I will definitely spend my entire life giving Him thanks! For every new day, every simple happiness, every bit of sorrow, every slightest doubt, every single tear and every little fear! For He is with me and always! Through out everything!

P/S: Ikea was fun!!!:D

I'll come to you

2009-07-11T08:54:00.000-07:00

God has appeared again, when I need Him the most.
I was so surprised to see my heart softened when He reminded me about LOVE.
He gave me a heart to love people, and not to harbor any hatred.
He told me to speak the truth in Love and embrace every one with a Loving attitude.
So I'm going to give it a try.
I'll come to you... with a heart full of LOVE cos God just made me realize that you are not just any one in my life, you are someone. And for that special space you have already had in my heart, I will not let you walk out of my life.

Things are going to work out, rite God???

Friday I'm in love!

2009-07-10T08:21:00.000-07:00

Friday, cant be any more slacking!!! Last PE of the year, andddd we played captain ball!!!Anddd I didnt sweat at all cos most of the time, no all the time, I was standing there talking to Alaric, Sher and Arina!!! We were pretty much useless that when the ball was coming towards us, Sher, Arina and I screamt our heads off!Though we were practically cornering the ball, somehow, it passed us undeflected!!!Seriously, no one can ever beat us!!!Physics lecture, as always, was so boring!!! And Lyon didnt come again, he didnt give us anything to do either so we had another free block!!!After much lingering around, we set off for our celebration!

And it was the first time I travelled with cirle line!!! A lot of unglam and funny and stupid things happened to us on the MRT, like how Jess sat with her legs so open haha!!! Sorry Jess, but its the truth!!!

Andddd Shokudo (or whatever you call it) is seriously amazing!!! Its a Jap kinda marche!!! Its so nice, everyone must agree that I ate real much!!! Dawn and I were so happy with our ham and cheese ommelette! And we discovered one real cute thing about Xiu, that she will open her eyes real big everytime she eats soup!!! haha, we even recorded the moment!!! Then we took picture outside the restaurant, made so much noise, and stuck with our SarahHannahEstruth (our balloon's name) rescuing mission!!! Dawn sprayed water furiously, Jess and I blew nonstoppingly, and Sher reached out desperately for the balloon!!! Finally, despite Jess's disappointment, we decided to use Shiao's umbrella to rescue our dear balloon!!! (Jess, i know you love challenges but...yeahh...you know!!!!haha!!!)

Then we went to taka to shop for a pair of slippers for Xiu but she said she had already bought a new pair! So we walked around and ended up with a Jap food fair!!! Got real excited man!!! We ate ice cream and I ate Rum-Rum Raisin, my beloved!!! Then we went to Kino, where Sher and Dawn had a balloon fight!!!

Seriously, so much funnnn!!!!
I love the fact that we can create something out of nothing!!! Thats what true friendship is all about I guess!!!!
Love you guyssss reallll muchhhh!!!!!

Sleeping through the static...

2009-07-08T06:35:00.000-07:00

Right now, as i'm writing these lines down, I'm feeling sad and helpless. It's nothing all of a sudden. It has accumulated over time; it has always been there whether I wanted to admit it or not. Sometimes, things which you assume will forever stay the same just falls apart. It seems like there is no reason at all, but if you sit down and think about it, it is a chain of events that leads to what you see today. For me, I'm seeing the process happening day by day. I know the specific events that cause you unhappiness and further drift us apart. But i'm just not doing anything to change it, not at all. I know what will be at the end if this continues but i'm just static.

What will you do if you realize the person you have always known by heart suddenly changes? You may blame circumstances, and you are glad that you realize before it is too late.
But what will you do if you realize you have never really known the person you assumed to know by heart? You will feel angry with yourself for being so ignorant and unobservant. You will blame yourself for suddenly becoming so picky and harsh. You will play with the thought what if you had known it right from the start.

That's why I hate growing up. The moment you grow up, you start having your own set of values . The more you experience in life, this set of values, though subjected to changes, will become stronger. You cant look at everybody with the same innocent eyes anymore because honestly speaking, no one is perfect. And for some reasons, for some people, you just cant stand. It's not that you hate them; it is more of the fact that their values and your values clash so badly that you'd rather not talk. The bad thing about me is that I cant pretend and I cant tell lies and I cant fake. So? I cant tell you that you are right when I personally think that you are just so wrong. I cant assure you that you are not selfish at all when you are so self-centered. I cant agree with you when you talk bad about people and I think that it is just so unreasonable of you to hate them that way. And I cant stand it when you just blow up at people and think that you have all the reasons on earth to do so. I cant tell you so many things because most of the time you will be the one talking.

I just started to learn to pretend. I pretend that things have not worsened. I pretend that I dont know all the moments I hurt you. But dear, I'd rather let things pass by this way than have to, one day, look at you straight in the eyes to tell you that ALL ALONG YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WHOM I THOUGHT TO BE. I'd rather stay away from you to allow myself to adjust than hastily make efforts to bridge our relationship just to discover that I CANT BUILD A BRIDGE FROM ONE SIDE.

In the mean time, I just cant feel close to you.

I'm praying to God that He will open our hearts and give us more understanding. God, I dont know whether keeping this problem to myself is a wise choice. Give me light and guide me through please. And I pray that all the decisions I will be making will be from your Words. Thank You God. AMEN!

P/S: On a much much happier note!!!! HAPPEE BDAE XIUXIU!!!!LOVE YOU REAL REAL REAL MUCH! HOPE THAT YOU HAD GREAT FUN GOING HOME WITH ALL THE BALLOONS!!!!

Về với cuộc sống bình thường!

2009-07-06T07:19:00.000-07:00

Sau bao nhiêu ngày mong đợi thì cũng đã được về làm người bình thường!!! Vừa thấy sung sướng mà cũng vừa thấy lạ lạ!!! Thấy sức chịu đựng của con người quả là vô biên, không thể ngờ được là mình bị tạm giam trong vòng một tuần liền, không làm được trò gì có ích cho đời ngoài việc lên Fb lập mấy cái quiz nhảm nhí!!! Thế này mới biết ở tù nó khổ sở bứt rứt thế nào!!! Thật là kinh khủng hết chỗ nói!!!Tự do muôn năm!!!

Từ trại tạm giam trở về thấy nhiều việc phải làm ra phết: giặt dũ dọn dẹp mua bán mấy thứ cần thiết, lại còn phải ngồi làm bài thi nữa chứ!!!Không đâu tự dưng lại mất hết cả áo đồng phục!!!Bó gối bản thân!!!Được cái từ sáng đến giờ, vì cảm giác sung sướng được thả về, thấy yêu đời hẳn lên!Thật ra thì từ trước đến nay mình có chán đời bao giờ đâu nhưng mà hôm nay thì gọi là đặc biệt yêu đời! Thấy trong cuộc sống có nhiều thứ mình cho là điều đương nhiên quá!!!Như kiểu bạn bè ngồi ăn với nhau ấy, nói chuyện rôm rả, thấy thế cũng là bình thường! Nhưng mà rồi mấy hôm nữa không được tự do thoải mái ngồi với nhau rồi, chắc chết luôn!Mà trong đợt bị lên núi, hay nhìn thấy mọi người ngồi ăn đông vui ở dưới sân!Thèm lắm ấy!Nhiều lúc cứ đứng đấy nhìn mọi ngưởi thôi, chẳng muốn gọi!Một phần là vì cứ thích ngắm mọi người thế thôi, thấy hay hay!Không biết mọi người có biết là trông mọi người rất vui rất ấm cúng không! Phải một lần làm người đứng ngoài thì mới biết trân trọng những gì mình đang có được!!!Phần còn lại thì là sợ gọi xong, mọi người lại phải hếch mặt lên mà nhìn, mỏi cổ không ăn được!!! (Chằng là vì mình bị đầy đoạ lên tầng 8 mà, cao lắm!!!)!May là ở trên này còn có TốLan, con Hằng, con Quế!!!Không thì đúng là không chết vì cúm mà chết vì chán!!!Sau vụ holiday, hay ngồi giảng bài cho Hằng hieo, lại thêm vụ bị cách ly cùng với nhau, mình với nó thân hẳn lên!!!Nghe nó kể chuyện cười thì không biết là nên cười hay nên khóc vì thiếu muối quá!!!Abuse nó thì rất là thích vì nó nhiều mỡ!!!Tóm lại là con hieo rất đáng yêu!!!

Ước gì ai cũng được như mình nhỉ???Sống đơn giản thôi, không suy nghĩ lung tung không cần thiết!Không dễ bị tự ái vặt!Không tính toán nhiều!Không không và rất nhiều thứ không khác!!!Không phải là mình không có khuyết điểm,không có mơ ước nọ kia, chỉ thấy là mình hài lòng với hiện tại lắm!Thấy cuốc sống trôi đi nhẹ nhàng lắm, mỗi ngày một niềm vui!

Xem xong phim roi!

2009-07-04T07:21:00.000-07:00

Hom qua, truoc khi con ToLan (nghe danh nay la Hoang To Lam) khan goi xuong nui, moi nguoi tren nay da kip nghien het bo Lap Trinh Trai Tim!!!haha!!!Xem phan mot thi buon cuoi vo bung, lan le bo toai ra ma cuoi ma khong het buon!!!Xem phan hai thi tuc no ruot, may dua gao thet ho het am i cu nhu la xem da bong ay!!! Gom, hiem thay khi xem phim truyen hinh VN ma khan gia lai nhiet tinh the nay!!!Haha, cong nhan la hay!!! Rut ra duoc nhieu bai hoc kinh nghiem xuong mau; cac bai hoc nay da duoc tong ket xuc tich gon gang trong mot cai Note tren Fb cua con ToLan!!! Cong nhan la cai su bua cung duoc sinh ra tu su nham chan!!!

Troi oi!!! T2 chung to moi duoc xuong nui!!! Theo dung ke hoach thi chac la minh voi con Hang hieo phai duoc xuong nui ngay mai co, nhung ma canh doi no eo le lam ay! Chang la hom truoc minh voi Hang hieo vua thuc hien mot phi vu ga bay, tron xuong tang 2 de lay do tiep te tu JessSherDawn, dang te ton te ton di ve phong thi bi Sam Soi phat hien!!! Cu goi la....kich tinh, con Que so xanh mat mieo haha!!!! Roi tat nhien la Sam Soi ko de yen cho 2 dua socially irresponsible nay yen roi, nen la stay cua minh o day bi extended mot ngay!!! Bo goi roi!!! Thoi ko sao, o lai day cho con Que no do buon, ko thi no lai bi co don!!! Xem het LTTT roi thi len down bo tu 10A8!!! Trong suot cuoc doi minh chua thay cai phim nao ma no bi benh thieu muoi tram trong den nhu the!!! Nhung ma thinh thoang xem may phim thieu muoi day de cuoi vao mat chung no cho vui cung duoc!!!

B h thi chac lai di an roi!!!May hom nay chi co an roi xem phim roi ngu roi an roi xem phim roi ngu!!! A them viec take temperature nua!!! Vinh quang qua!!!

Nho cho hien tai va tuong lai!!!

2009-07-02T07:22:00.000-07:00

May ngay hom nay bi cach ly vi H1N1! Trong luc tat ca moi nguoi dang soi len vi thi cu hoc hanh cang thang thi minh o tren tang 8 nay, chang phai thi tho j! Dang ra cung phai lay the lam may, nhung ma o tren nay chan lam ay! Internet thi chap chon, va rat la cham chap nua!!! Dien thoai thi gan het tien, ko dam goi dien nhan tin nhieu! May la hom truoc duoc ban Tin tiep te cho phim Lap Trinh Cho Trai Tim! Nho moi nguoi qua!!! Hom nay mot so ban thi xong roi, den t6 thi tat ca moi nguoi se thi xong het!!!

Hom qua luc dem, ko ngu duoc, ra ngoai ban cong nhin ngam tu tren cao xuong cai khung canh ma 2 nam nay minh da thay that la quen thuoc! Thay co cai j moi la, khang khac lam! Ve dem, yen tinh, chi co mot minh minh va cai khung canh ay! Trong moi thu ngan nap nhu mo hinh thu nho, thay cuoc song o Singapore sao ma ngan nap den the, den muc nham chan! Nhung ma het nam nay, chac lai se co luc bang khuang ma nho cai su nham chan nay! The la 4 nam hoc bong cua minh cung sap het roi! Ngoanh di ngoanh lai se den cai luc phai noi loi chia tay voi Singapore, voi ban be o day, voi ca cai lu ban VN ma ngay nao cung dan dum tu tap cuoi noi nhu nguoi trong nha the nay! La that! Nhu kieu biet truoc la con duong thang sap den luc phai re ngoat roi! Biet truoc la se nuoi tiec nhung j quen thuoc tren cai con duong thang nay, va ko biet dieu j se don doi minh o nhung nga re kia!!! Con duong phia truoc se la con duong nhu the nao? Nhung nguoi ban moi minh se gap se la nhung nguoi ra sao??? Song tren doi nay chac se co nhieu lan minh phai ban khoan voi may cau hoi tuong tu! Chac la cang ve gia, cang tung trai thi nguoi ta se cang binh than hon truoc nhung chuyen nhu the nay! Ko phai la cai binh than cua trai tim bi dong da, ma la cai binh than xuat phat tu trong mot tam hon biet nhin ra duoc cai khia canh tat yeu cua hoi ngo va ly biet trong cuoc song cua moi nguoi! Minh nghi nhu the, va hon het, hy vong la nhu the!!!

Song la phai co niem tin!
Tin la mot ngay nao do minh se gap lai ban!
Tin la du minh co khong gap lai ban, thi ban van thinh thoang mim cuoi khi nghi den minh! Nhu khi minh nghi den ban ay!!!

Michael Jackson

2009-06-26T06:11:00.000-07:00

SERIOUSLY!!!!
Cant believe that MJ has gone!!!
His life is really sad, and no one has really understood him as a person I guess!!!
None of us!!!
And only now, when he cant hear what we want him to hear, we say that the we love him so much!!!! He used to be my idol when i was real small! I still vividly remember the first time I watched Black or White mv and was so amazed by his moonwalk!!! As I grew up, I did not listen to his music much (probably cos he didnt sing or come up with anything new for the past 10 years)! And i thought of liking MJ as a crazy stage of my childhood!!!
But now, when I know for sure that he's gone forever, I feel a big part missing! Like the person, who first bridged me to English music, has gone!
Sad overall!!!

"This the type of song that make the angels cry,
I look up in the sky and I wonder why?
why you had to go, go
I know it's better on the other side,
you were chosen from the start
never gon let you go"
-Better on the other side, Michael Jackson Tribute-

To MJ: YOU ARE AMAZING! May God and His peace be with you!

P/s: Listening to Black or White, Heal the World, We are the World, Ben, Man in the Mirror

SAT

2009-06-25T07:22:00.000-07:00

Hom nay nhan duoc kq SAT 2 rui!!! Biet ngay la the nao minh cung se lam an the tham cho Physics ma!!! Doan ko sai!!! Dung la linh cam nghe nghiep cua nguoi hoc Physics lau nam!!! Eo oi sao ma minh ghet Physics the co chu!!! Ko the hieu duoc la sao minh lai dot cai mon day den the!!! Thoi, co het suc roi thi cung chang biet lam the nao duoc!!! May la Maths cua minh duoc toi da (ca thien ha duoc full score for Maths!!!)!
Dang hoc hanh cay bua khung khiep cho CT!!! Hoc Geog luc thi hay, luc thi nan qua!!! Noi chung la phai hoc la met roi! Thay duong hoc cua minh con dai qua! Hoc xong A-level roi di hoc dai hoc roi di hoc Master! Chac fai den nam 26 tuoi moi duoc ve han VN song sung suong voi bo me day! Ma luc day co khi bo me lai duoi di lay chong ay chu!Thay co nguoi ko hoc nhieu ma van lan vao doi, van thanh dat, van kiem ra khoi tien, van suong! Hoi bat cong ti! Nhung ma nghi di nghi lai thi moi nguoi song tren doi mot duong di rieng roi, co ai giong ai dau! Cung chang phai ghen ti voi ai lam j! Du co buon co suong, du con duong co khac nhau the nao thi moi nguoi cung song theo cach cua rieng minh, va di het con duong ay!
Hom qua vua phat hien ra la minh moi song duoc tren doi duoc 19 nam thi da quen con ToLan duoc nhung 12 nam roi!!! Khung khiep qua!!! Ko fai la cai su quen no la khung khiep doi voi minh ma la thoi gian troi nhanh qua!!! Ko the ngo la minh voi no luc nao cung ke ke voi nhau trong rat nhieu giai doan, sang den Sing roi van dinh lay nhau!!!Hoc cung lop hoi truoc roi b h o cung phong!!! Dung la so phan roi! Nhung rieng khoan nay thi cam on so phan rat la nhieu!!!
Ke hoach di Malaysia van dang pending!!! Uay ai cung muon di lam ay!!! Hom truoc nghe tin la co truc trac ky thuat, ai cung depressed luon!!! Pray!!!!
B h thi di hoc day!!! Van buon cho SAT qua co!!! Chang lam the nao ma het buon duoc!!! Buon qua!!! Nhung ma chac la ko thi lai dau!!! The thi the chu!!! Thi SAT met lammmmm!!! KO THI LAI!!!!

Phai lay chong giau

2009-06-21T07:23:00.000-07:00

May hom nay, do con Mieo cu suot ngay: "Bom oi!Lam the nao de lay chong giau???"!The la moi nguoi duoc mot me huyen thuyen cuoi len cuoi xuong!!!Tieu chuan cua Mieo cao lam ay: vua phai giau, phai tu te, ko keo kiet, dep trai, cao rao, va dang co don!!!Khiep!!!Lam j co ai ma hoan hao, ko ti sut seo nao nhu the!!!Roi lai gan ghep Mieo voi anh ToLan!!!Dung la het viec de lam, het chuyen de noi!!!
Chang hieu sao chua bao h co y nghi la phai lay chong...giau!Chi nghi la phai lay chong giong nhu bo minh thoi!!!Thay nguoi ta noi la con gai thi thich lay con trai hoi giong bo cua minh, vi co cam giac tin tuong hay nhu the nao ay!!!Chang ro!!!Ma cung chang co chi tieu j ro rang cu the ca!!!Ma co khi la chang lay chong!!!Dao nay la con do day, chu hoi truoc thi chang hieu lam the nao ma ng ta co the nhin mat nhau tan hai may nam troi ma ko thay chan, nhu bo me minh ay, kham phuc that!Nhung ma b h co ve sang da ra mot ti, hieu ra la co con cai vao, no khac!!!Nha cua dong vui hon, cung co nhieu viec de lo hon!!!Nhung ma van chua thay thuyet phuc lam!!!Thoi!Luc nao can hieu thi se tu hieu ra, co co qua b h thi cung den qua co thoi!!!
Ma hom truoc lam cai quiz tren FB, dam keu minh lay chong nam 19 tuoi!!!Da lam j co nguoi yeu ma lay!!!Nham nhi vo cung!!!Kho, biet la quiz tren FB nham nhi ma van cu lam!!!
Hom truoc vua len blog cua c TrongVeo, doc duoc bai tho c viet ve HaNoi!!!Thay cang them yeu HaNoi cua minh!!!Yeu lam ay, du HaNoi ko phai la cua rieng minh, nhung ma ai cung co the tim thay mot goc rieng cua minh o HaNoi!!!
B h HaNoi to hon roi, chang biet la nhu the nao nua!!!
Thay ngay hom nay quen quen, hinh nhu sn ai day!!!Tri nho dao nay hoi kem!!!

Break!!!

2009-06-05T06:34:00.000-07:00

I'm supposed to study for SAT now!!!But saturation point reached, like so long ago!!!So I decided to put a STOP there for my SAT mugging cos I believe in the value of BREAK!!!!

I'm really excited to go home!And I have been feeling so for the past few weeks, which is rather strange!I only experienced this excitement during sec 3; it was something like I would spend the entire dinner talking about what I would do when I reached home, I would write down what I would shop with my mum and I would list all the things I wanted to do and all the plans and stuff!Back then, I could not wait to go home!That sweet feeling gradually faded away as I came to sec 4!Its not that I did not like going home, I guess it was more of that I got used to not being home better, added by the fact that I got busier and busier every passing holiday!The experience in J1 was the worst; I dragged going home cos I did not want to confront my parents about God and church stuff!And it was really quite bad at home; we had heated arguments and my mum ended up crying, which in turn made me cry too!(I take comfort in the fact that both my mum and I are quite dramatic!)!But the amazing thing about life is that I might feel like the end of the world at that particular moment, but as I'm looking back now, that moment is just one in a chain of moments that lead to who I am and what I am doing now!I thank God that I did not get too hung up over my parents reactions towards me becoming a Christian!

This time round it is totally different!I'm going mad over the thought of being home: practically being with my mum and dad, and more than that, practically being at the place where I truly belong!I discovered recently that there are many ways I can miss a place!When I was in sec 3 and 4, I miss HaNoi for the people there: my family and my friends, for the food, and for the comfort of familiarity!But now, there is a new dimension for the way I miss it: I guess I miss more intangible and small and trivial things!Like how I miss the feeling of walking along the pavement in an autumn day, looking at the autumn leaves slowly falling down!Like how I miss the drizzle in a spring morning and my great satisfaction after helping my mum decorating the living room for Tet (the Vietnamese new year)!!!I even miss the sight of people cycling with huge buns of flowers for sale at the back early in the morning!I miss all of this so bad now!!!I also miss the way all the small streets interlinked to make anyone unfamiliar with them easily get lost!!They are messy, but they are just parts of the surroundings that have seen me grow up!!!I want to major in urban planning in order to make HaNoi neater and more organised as a city, but sometimes I wish it would remain like this forever for its messiness, to me, is lovely, and always will be!

I now truly believe that everyone has a place that he/she feels a great sense of attachment to; in the case someone does not, I think it's really sad! My dad has always said that I took after him in being so firmly attached to place! That's why I cant think of myself spending the rest of my life anywhere else except for HaNoi!!!

I will miss Singapore too, for the people here!!!!But I always tell myself to get used to missing things because there will be so many people walking in and out of my life, there will be so many places I will go to once in a lifetime, and there are so many changes in this world every passing moment!It's impossible to have nothing to miss cos we are unable to hold on to everything all the time (sadly, there are opportunity costs in life too) and there are things such as feelings, which we can never ever experience twice!So as part of growing up, I look at it with a more positive attitude!If I have something to miss, I know that my life has been worthwile to me!

I thank God for all the things that I'm missing so bad now cos they remind me to never ever take any moment in life for granted!And pray for SAT tmr!!! Jia you everyone!!!

P/S: Thanks Sher&Jess for the lovely Big miss!!!!I will be more motivated to gain weight man!!!LuvLuv!!!

IU!!!

2009-05-13T06:37:00.000-07:00

Waiting for IU result!!! Even though i'm trying to convince myself that we still have a little bit of hope, deep down i know that the situation is kinda hopeless!!! If CCLA camp is canceled, there is no reason for IU to get approved!!! Efforts not really wasted cos the junior batch still can use our proposals and stuff. It's just that the chance to do something again together as a batch is gone, and my Interact life will end rather abruptly without IU!!!
Think positively then!!! No IU, i can go home earlier!!! See mommy and daddy, and people whom I have suddenly missed so much these days!!! Sometimes I just have a feeling that I have not seen a person for like eternity but the connection between us is still so strong. That's what a true relationship is all about I guess!!!!
Anyway, I have been constantly with God these days. The main reason is that I just realize how helpless and powerless I am in my situation right now, and no one can help me either!!! And here I turn to God!!! And thankfully I find comfort! I used to feel like giving up, but after praying to God, I had this positive feeling that if I am persistent enough in my prayer, something will happen somehow!!! That's is faith i guess, faith in the thing unseen, and that God will be able to fix things for me!!! I place my trust in Him!!!And I thank Him for that! AMEN!!!!

I need a title!!!

2009-04-26T06:39:00.000-07:00

Practically spending the entire day with HaLinh! And it was awesome i guess!!! She has always been my type, although there were times when we were drifted apart for no reasons at all! (may be it was a lack of events according to Sher!). But the moment we get back, sit down and talk, we cant talk about everything. Really EVERYTHING!!! There is no word for me to describe how much I treasure and love her!!! And I know for very sure that we are really going to last! Love you dearrrrr!!!!
These days, I have been studying in school until late, like 11pm!!! It was real fun to be alone in the huge school, its like you own the school for yourself!!! As I see RJ when it is at its most peaceful time, I start thinking about how I end up here, how my life has been so different, how I have been exposed to an entire new world with so many new and different people, who make my heart never be the same again! Just random thoughts! But I'm wondering how my life would be the moment I leave RJ! There is just so much to miss!!!! (like the other day, I kept thinking that it would be my last chance to go down and support Xiu, thats why I was dying to go down, and even thought of taking blue slip!!!)
Enough for random thoughts!!! I have not been reading any book in the bible properly!!! Will restart today! I think I'm reading RUTH!!!
And I thank God that He had given me the patience to be calm in a few situations today!!!
Okay!!!

P/S: I really think that I should take back the little book from Barry!!! I sounded really retarded!!! Cant imagine that many years down the road, when he reads it, he will just laugh at me for sure!!!

Fun would be an understatement!!!

2009-04-24T06:41:00.000-07:00

Home visit to Xiu's and Dawn's house!!! It was of great fun: we were eating like mad, watching stupid stuff on youtube, and just being random!!!! I totally forgot about my DITD duty, making Chop angry!!! Sorry Sorry Chop!!!
It seemed that everyone would be free soon: Xiu and Jess finished their seasons successfully, Sher completed SYF with gold with honor. Great job friends, you guys deserve a good break!!! After that, they would have nothing besides studying while I still have Interact. But never mind, I love Interact and we are going to make it for IU!!! sigh!!! Jiayou Linh!!!
Thank God I feel happy and lighthearted these days although I kinda moved myself to get used to the new normal and to face the reality that I may never be able to make things the way they were! I thank God for granting me this amazing peace and I just pray that God will watch over you in all situations, safeguard your heart and your mind!
AMEN!!!
I feel realy sleepy!!! May be too much flour!!!!
Tomorrow is carwash!!!(with Monster haha!!!)

Happy birthday to me!!!

2009-04-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

One year since the day I received God into my life. It seemed to be by chance that I picked up the book Love Beyond Reason to read, but I believe that God is behind everything, and this was not an exception either. As I was reading the book, God reminded me of how I have grown tired of loving people, and how far I have been away from shining God’s love in the lives of those around me.

These days, I always ask myself why I’m doing this when the person is not even appreciating it, why I must always be the one running after my friend to clear up the mess as if it were my fault, and why I have to care when my friend does not even give a dumb about how I am feeling or what I am going through. In a nutshell, the reason for my weariness of loving people is the lack of a reason to do otherwise. I have always thought that I’m generous in giving and loving, but now it comes to a point when I realize that I have been so wrong. I’m just like anyone else; when too many things come in my way, my capacity to love decreases greatly. Love is demanding, however it does not demand a reason for its existence. If I’m blaming people of avoiding me, how many times have I shut down from God? If I’m blaming people of testing my patience, how many times have I made God wait? If I’m blaming people of disappointing me, how many times have I disappointed God? And if I can’t think of any reason to love others, is there any reason for God to love someone like me? I’m not trying to compare myself with God because I definitely will fail by default. I’m just trying to look at things from God’s perspective and to respond as He would.

This is what I discovered: God’s love is perfect because it is not exclusive to the perfect. And the only way for me to develop this kind of Love beyond reason is to love its creator. Once again, everything comes back to God because everything starts from Him.

Not by accident, my verse for this year is “Beloved, let us love one another for love springs from God; and he who loves is born of God and is coming to understand and know God”. God is ahead of me in all things, even in my suffering for He suffered first.

Dearest God,

I just have one simple request that You help me feel Your love in my life and love You more.

And I thank You for all my friends (both Christians and non Christians) who remember the importance of today to me!

In Jesus’s most precious name I pray

AMEN

Why???

2009-04-07T06:43:00.000-07:00

Sick at home today!It seems like the entire world were getting flu!
Got back 3 papers so far!Have a feeling that I will be forever a B-grader for Physics!Sighhhh!!!
Things so far not so good!!!No church still!And problems with friends!I have absolutely no clue what went wrong!
Only until now, I really really understand what it means when ppl say the world may disappoint you, but God wont!!!For only in moments of sadness like this, I realize how much God means to me!And how He has been faithful to me, regardless of whatever is changing in my surroundings!These few days, I keep thinking about how I may disappoint ppl without even knowing it!And the problem is that ppl wont tell you straight on the face that you are disappointing them!So it makes me think abt whether I am so insensitive that i cant even recognize their feelings and moods!!!And even when I realize, it may be just a bit too late!This is driving me crazy i guess!!!And everytime like this, I miss home real much!!!I miss the feeling of being with mum and dad, without having to worry about so many things and to manage everything myself!
After a while, I start thinking that life itself is full of gaps. The gap between what you want and what you need, between what you target and what you actually achieve, between what you think and what you act out, between who you are and whom people perceive you to be, and between you and the people you love. Facing these gaps scares me out cos I have no confidence in bridging them!They may grow wider and wider til a point when i cant even remember how things were without these gaps!
Not going to church kinda created a gap between me and God although i tried hard to keep up reading His word! But the amazing thing about God is that He will draw to me if I draw to Him, He will never let go if I never let go! The amazing thing is that in Him, I have confidence!
I thank God for my trust in His grace then!

I'm just not that good!!!

2009-01-16T06:44:00.000-08:00

Just in a HUGE MESS!!!
I seriously feel like crying any moment for NO reason at all!!!
I highly think that I'm in depression!!!!
Yesterday, when I was going through the worship songs, I burst into tears when i reached the song STILL!!!Cos I realized that no matter how much I tried to affirm myself, I felt deeply agitated&insecure&anxious & everything!!!!No matter how hard I tried to come STILL before God, I couldn't find peace!!!It was this emptiness in my heart, which drove me crazy!!!I was staring at the ceiling, crying for one hour straight, and telling God that I wanted to see Him!!!Cos I was sooooo scared that I wouldnt be able to see God at the end of the day!!!Then I listened to Keith Green's songs, got this part from Psalm 23 "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want"!!!Yeah, all I need is to obey God!!!BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD????And why doesnt God give me Peace????I was normal in school, but once I was away from all the noise and all the distraction, when i was reflecting upon my day, this feeling of loneliness overwhelmed me!!!I know that all my friends are there for me, but yeah, I was just soooo alone!!!!Like no one really understands what i'm really going through (cos I myself cant understand either!)!And the feeling so strong that I can even feel painful!!!i seriously dont know what went wrong!!!Is God trying to tell me something?Is He testing me???
These days ah, I just got worried over everything!!!Future, commitments, parental objections, relationships!!!!BASICALLY every single little details of my life!!!!
Linh is realllllllll tiredddddd!!!!
God, are you really putting me through the dark nights of the souls??? Then You must give me strength!!!!I cant go through this without You!!!
I really need God to calm my heart down!!!i guess crying sometimes is not too bad a solution!!!(just that it makes your eyes real swollen!!!)!!! Even if I have to cry one whole day, or cry in front of everyone and that's it, to be over with it, that's okay!!!Rather than this long dragging unstable state of mind!!!God, can you just take this feeling away and fill me with JOY??????
I was just thinking that I needed something badly!!!
Madddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay Okay!!!I should think more positively!!!I'm madly in love with JESUS!!!does it sound better???yeah It sure doessss!!!!
Lord I pray that all my madness/anxiety comes from the love for You Lord!!!!AMEN!!!!