I'm just not that good!!!

Just in a HUGE MESS!!!
I seriously feel like crying any moment for NO reason at all!!!
I highly think that I'm in depression!!!!
Yesterday, when I was going through the worship songs, I burst into tears when i reached the song STILL!!!Cos I realized that no matter how much I tried to affirm myself, I felt deeply agitated&insecure&anxious & everything!!!!No matter how hard I tried to come STILL before God, I couldn't find peace!!!It was this emptiness in my heart, which drove me crazy!!!I was staring at the ceiling, crying for one hour straight, and telling God that I wanted to see Him!!!Cos I was sooooo scared that I wouldnt be able to see God at the end of the day!!!Then I listened to Keith Green's songs, got this part from Psalm 23 "The Lord is my shepherd I shall not want"!!!Yeah, all I need is to obey God!!!BUT WHY IS IT SO HARD????And why doesnt God give me Peace????I was normal in school, but once I was away from all the noise and all the distraction, when i was reflecting upon my day, this feeling of loneliness overwhelmed me!!!I know that all my friends are there for me, but yeah, I was just soooo alone!!!!Like no one really understands what i'm really going through (cos I myself cant understand either!)!And the feeling so strong that I can even feel painful!!!i seriously dont know what went wrong!!!Is God trying to tell me something?Is He testing me???
These days ah, I just got worried over everything!!!Future, commitments, parental objections, relationships!!!!BASICALLY every single little details of my life!!!!
Linh is realllllllll tiredddddd!!!!
God, are you really putting me through the dark nights of the souls??? Then You must give me strength!!!!I cant go through this without You!!!
I really need God to calm my heart down!!!i guess crying sometimes is not too bad a solution!!!(just that it makes your eyes real swollen!!!)!!! Even if I have to cry one whole day, or cry in front of everyone and that's it, to be over with it, that's okay!!!Rather than this long dragging unstable state of mind!!!God, can you just take this feeling away and fill me with JOY??????
I was just thinking that I needed something badly!!!
Madddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
maddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay Okay!!!I should think more positively!!!I'm madly in love with JESUS!!!does it sound better???yeah It sure doessss!!!!
Lord I pray that all my madness/anxiety comes from the love for You Lord!!!!AMEN!!!!

TWISTERS !!!

Okayyyyy!!!I'nm taking a break in the midst of Physics and Econs and Maths!!!!!
Today I must say I WAS VERY SURPRISED by my TWIST-ers kidssss!!!!They were just awesome during worship!!!So passionate for Godd!!!!And they responded to altar call!!!!OhMyGdness!!!God is amazing!!!This is the most encouraging thing ever!!!If my sheep are so on for God like that, How can I not be then????Cell was good in a sense that I got a chance to get closer to some of the kids, including Steph who kept poking me!!!!haha!!!And Ben who was so in-the-face against me!!!(He gang up with Kennaf against me ehhhh!!!!)!!!!Somehow service today was really powerful!!!Though God didnt speak any words to me, But He renewed my strength!!!I feel so recharged!!!2009 is a year of fear!!!But if God is by my side, who can be against me???AMEN!!!
Oh yeahhh!!!!And God really proved to me that as I give generously, God will bless me generously as well!!!!I got a new NIV bible yesterday! After wrapping it nicely, I decided it was too nice to not be given away as a gift!!!So....after so much thinking and consideration, I gave it to JEss, whose bible is in unacceptable state!!!!Anndddd, today, as I came to ask pastor for any lousy secondhand bible so that i can bring for cell, she gave me a brand new one for that's the only one left!!!!AHHHH!!!!God was really stretching my faith ahhhhh!!!!But its heart-warming to know that God keeps His promise!!!!
Tmr is school already!!!I'm excited....to see everyone!!!!But now i must continue struggling with all the work first!!!!

SIGH!!!

TWISTers cell was fun!!!I thank God that everyone was soo friendly and open in sharing!!!!I think we will make a great cell!!!!(must be better than the SaltShakers!!!haha!!!kidding lah Jess!!!!no lah!!!Yours is the best SaltShakers cell!!!)!!!Anddd we were nearly late for boarding curfew!!!Tham made Ngan and me practise for 2.4!!!!Faintssss!!!!And poor Tham got scolded again!!!God, I just pray that You will bless Tham over this year Lord!!!I'm just so encouraged by his determination to be free of lots of temptation and really impressed by his SEXY goalsss!!!!yeahh!!!help him Lord!!!and help me to help him also!!!!
Just talked to mom!!!It was bad again!!!She was telling me how I have been very far from the one she once knew!!!!IT HURT ME LOADS!!!!!IT REALLY DID!!!!That's why I kept quiet most of the time!!!
God, I can only count on You now!!!Be my strength!!!Amen!!!

JESS has Facebook!!!

HOORRAAAYYY!!!Went to Jess's house today and forced her out of her rock/well by creating FB account for her!!!And she kept complaining that it was too much exposure on her part!!!haha!!!!JEss was really funny!!!!And we had a good time, playing uno stacko and talking abt stuff, both random and serious!!!!JESSSSS!!!!!!I think I understand how you are feeling rite now!!!!And I know it will be a very hard decision to make, but i think you need to make the decision soon!!!!SO ASK GOD abt it!!!!I'm really praying for you!!!(That's the only thing I can do nowwwww!!!!)(Oh yeah, help you in Physics,which I violently objected today!!!hahaha)
After Jess's house, went to NUS to register for my H3!!!Anddd I had this really really strange encounter!!!There was just so many ppl there, but dunno why I kept staring at one guy (He didnt look stunning or anything but yeahhhh)!!!!I didnt know what was wrong with me either!!!!I just kinda waited for him to do something, kinda expected that something was going to come out from him!!!The moment i decided that this was too weird of me and to turn away, he took out a Christian book from his bag and said to his friendsss "This is a very interesting book!!!!"!!!!I kinda knew then what i was waiting for!!!Sometimes God is just strange hah!!!!
I was reading Deutoronomy while waiting for my registration!!!And this verse really struck me "You will find Him if you look for Him with all your heart and with all your soul"!!!!It was a great affirmation!!!!Cos these days I kept pestering God to give me affirmation/encouragement/or even answer/solution of some sort!!!!So far He kept silent!!!!But someone told me before "God's silence doesnt mean His absence"!!!!May be i havent searched hard enough!!!!Will ask Him again today!!!!
Must go back to SAT-ing!!!!!

Twisters and class chalet!!!

Waiting for my hair to dry so that I can sleep!Today so tiring yet veryyyyy EXCITING!!!!The first TWIST-ers cell!!!Wow thanks to Kenneth the name is so cool (TWIST-ers stands for TrueWorshipInSpirit&Truth-ers)!!!!Tham and KahWee did a great job as game masters today although they were not given much time to prepare!!!So proud of you allll!!!And the sec 1 kids were quite responsive!!!!Thank God!!!IT"S A GREAT START for my Sec 1 Ministry!!!As I go against my parents' will to serve God, I'm very uncertain, unsure and scared!!!I told them I would be able to manage, but it was to affirm them!I couldnt affirm myself!!!God, I need you so much!!!Just ENCOURAGE me Lord!!!As I chose to walk with You, just please dont abandon me, dont let go!!!And help me to understand You better and TRUST YOU COMPLETELY Lord!!!I need to be certain Lord!!!I dont know !!!JUST HELP ME !!!Because You know the way !!!During service today, when one of the pastor told us to just come before God and cry out to Him, I really did!!!I suddenly realized how heavy my heart has been recently!!!It's really very tough a struggle!!!I seriously need to know God's will!!!keep PUSHing then!!!!Haizzz!!!
After church was Class chalet!!!Thanks to Tham ah, we took like one hour just to walk from the mrt to the chalet!!!It was great to see so many familiar faces again after a long long holiday!!!Esp XiuXiu and Dawnnnny!!!!Played some no brainer card game with Xiu,Sher,Barry and Tham!!!Then went cycling with Tham,Sher and Daryl Teo!!!ahhhh!!!Cycling is the best!!!And thats the only physical activity I enjoy doing!!!Then we played Twister (Tham reminded me of our TWIST-ers cell)!!!I was so lousy!!!My butt touched the ground after like a few minutesss!!!The forfeit was just terrible!Bursting balloons containing egg yolk inside!!!YUCK!!!I think I still smell of egg nowwww!!!!
Thats about it!!!Hope that the rest will have fun for the rest of the chalet!!!Must thanks SLTC and Cheryl lyn for organising!!!
Just tell me what Your will is, I will follow!!!The Lord be my guide then!!!(But You must tell me soon!!!)