God knows my name

I was reading about Mary Magdalene in the book of Mark. It was written about her experience of going to the tomb of Jesus, finding his body disappeared and encountering the real Jesus, resurrected. Being such a devoted follower of Jesus, Mary Magdalene witnessed his death on the cross when some of his disciples had run away or even denied him; and she even went to visit His tomb afterwards. So it would be extremely upset for her to find out that Jesus's body just disappeared as she assumed that someone had taken it away! Extremely upset and confused! And it never occurred to her that Jesus had already resurrected, so she mistook Him for the gardener. She didnt recognize Him until Jesus called her, by name "Mary".
It is somehow a very very moving scene to me. Jesus appeared in his disciple's confusion, fear, sadness and called her by name; and all of a sudden, the voice of Him calling out to her name stole the show. She burst out crying, the cry of joy that is for sure!!! How powerful is that voice! How powerful it is to know for sure that God knows our names! And everytime He calls out to us in such intimate manner, He calls our whole being!
He calls out to me when i see beggars on the street, when i travel and see for myself the breathtaking creation of His own hands, when i feel the rush of autum wind, when i look to the far end of the shore where the sky meets the sea, when i see a stranger's face radiated with smile and happiness, when i miss my moo, when i see my parents' grey hairs, suddenly realizing how much they have grown old and how much I have grown up, when i read about people dying of depression or countries with high divorce rate, when i look at myself in the mirror each morning, when it rains or shines. He calls out to me, every breathing living talking walking moment of my life. He calls me not only because He knows my name; rather He knows me.
So yes, I am never ever alone, regardless of whether i know it or not. But of course, i would like to know it. I would like to hear God's voice. And i have heard or have been taught of the many disciplines to train one into a better listener, concerning God's voice; those could be reading the bible more, spending more time in prayer, or spending more time in silence, and so on. It works, definitely. However, for me, personally, the fundamental of it all lies in the ability to free myself from all the things that i tend to be caught up in,and sometimes, it could be the very structure i set for my own spiritual growth, such as doing quiet time everyday, praying every alternative day and so on. Why am I structuring the ways that God can manifest himself to me? It should be the case that I read the bible because i like it, not because i feel the need to or my calendar says so. It should be the case that I pray because i like to talk to God, not because i feel guilty otherwise. According to my very own experience, structuring my encounter with God reduces my sensitivity to God's move in my life. Why? because structure tends to box my time with God when actually He is with me all time of the day.
Of course, i am not saying that we should abandon all disciplines and stuff like that. Go ahead with whatever you are doing to enrich your walk with God, but be in expectancy. The seemingly unimportant detail/event, He is going to be there, revealing profound truth.

I'll leave when the wind blows

I'm back from my weekend trip to Copenhagen and Malmo. I really like Copenhagen a lot, and the fact that there is a theme park in the middle of the city (just opposite the Central station) is just so happening!!! The moment we stept out of the train station, we heard people screaming! So exciting!!! Not that i found any of the ride exciting!!! I didnt go on any ride, too scary!! Oh the only ride i went on was the ride through fairy tale!!! It was so pretty and cute!!! And XY went on the most scary rides on earth, such a brave girl!!! I was horrified to see this guy fainted after finishing a ride!!! :(. Plus i spotted a mini mouse when i was sitting at one of the benches, watching children on the merry go round!!! And guess my reactions!!! haha! Anyway, i would be going back to Tivoli with the Moo in December!!! It is so nice, i bet you will like it loads!!! Especially when there is Christmas market!!! :DDD

The next day we went on two walking tours, one around the center of the city and the other at the harbor. Both were really very cool, we learnt a lot as our guides were super funny, clear and informative!!! We love them!!! Maybe i should go to tripadvisor to write Anna a great review!!! :DDD. I didnt know that Andersens  was a huge fan of Charles Dicken and the funny story of how Andersens pissed Dicken off by disturbing him every other minute during his one week in London. And for the rest of his life, Andersens wrote countless letters to Dicken, not receiving any replies. Poor Andersens. I love his fairy tales still!!!! :D. The only sad thing about our trip to Copenhagen is that it rained 50% of the time, and the other half of the time, it was gloomy, bleak and windy!!! We only got to see the sun on sunday!!! so we decided to linger a little longer in Copenhagen, thinking that there would be not much to see in Malmo!!! To our surprise, Malmo is super cute and pretty, with a strong resemblance to Copenhagen!!! we managed to take some photos, proving our presence in Malmo, for less than 24 hours!!!

And thank God, Kim and I managed to pack our room!!! Like literally packing everything because KTH accomodation coming to spray my room tomorrow!!! How i hate bed bugs!!!!

If you've ever loved somebody put your hands up!

I have started memory verse with MK!!! yayyy!!! It is nice to hear all the updates about Crusade from him, from the smallest details, to the bigger picture, from the funny things to his own thoughts and feelings about the ministry. Thank God for this brother of mine, and my new TL hahaha!!! Obviously it is very overwhelming for them all, but i pray that God will assure them that this is God's ministry and God's mighty hands will lift them up in due time. Talking about that, my memory verse of today is 1 Peter 3:6-7 "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hands, so that He may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you". Many time, we are just looking for someone to share our burdens, not to solve our problems. We dont really need a solution that much, especially true for me as a girl, but more often, we need just a listening ear and an understanding heart. And these two things only come from someone who truly cares for you. And God cares for us, as simple as that. We pray not because we know He can, but because we know He care.
Back to my day, my midterm is coming soon, in a few days. It should be alright, I hope at least. And after that is Copenhagen!!! yayyyyy!!!! It is really exciting!!! The problem is that one the day we leave for Copenhagen, its 5 degree in Stockholm and showers!!! wonder how we will be able to make it to the train station!!!
ANDDDDDDDDDDD.... My friend is getting married, in France!!! She just invited meeeee!!!!! This is so exciting!!! But i have trouble finding reasonably priced tickets to her place, it's Brest! But i really hope that i can go!!! Its such a once in a lifetime experience!!! Praying for some opening doors!!!!!
Back to reality is the need to catch up on reading for the boring Corporate Finance mod, if not our project will not progress and my hard-working Japanese friend will be disappointed!!!! :DDDD

Good morning, MOO!!!

Hi my dearest Moo,

I just want to tell you that I feel so much better now. It is a relief to be able to tell you all that I have been feeling, face to face (I’m quite sure that that’s all to it, at least up to this point in time). Yet I hope that I didn’t make you feel bad, or sad. Because please know that I don’t feel loved by you the way I want it to be doesn’t mean that you have not loved me with your best. So I’m really sorry if I made you feel bad. And all the more, please don’t be sad. There is a place very deep within me, knowing very sure that I hold your heart (and you hold mine too); but it’s often buried by myriads of other emotions and expectations. Because of this very special place, that’s called You, I really hope you don’t take it to heart when I said I wanted to give up/quit/move on, etc. I don’t. The desire to be with you is still strong, the thought of spending a lifetime with you is still so compelling that I find it worth the struggle, whatever it is and will be. So I regretted those words that I said to you. As I know it, hurtful words are sharp; they pierce your world, taking away the seemingly-unimportant precious little pieces. They are haunting for you will never see yourself or the world in the same way, not ever again. For I don’t want those hurtful words to destroy either you or our relationship in the most invisible way (like what they did to me), I will make a conscious effort to apologize for any hurtful thing that I throw at you, in the hope to bandage the wound to allow it for proper healing. So I’m sorry MooMoo. We are both young and still have much to learn, and loving someone is a never-ending learning journey, as someone has said “It takes no time to fall in love, but it takes you years to know what love is”. I’m more than 100% sure that I’m learning to love you deeper every passing day, the good, the bad and the ugly. And when it all comes to an end, be it happy or sad, together or apart, I’m thankful that it once happened.

With so much love, and millions of hugs (enough to last you till we next meet)

Your little moo