Right now, as i'm writing these lines down, I'm feeling sad and helpless. It's nothing all of a sudden. It has accumulated over time; it has always been there whether I wanted to admit it or not. Sometimes, things which you assume will forever stay the same just falls apart. It seems like there is no reason at all, but if you sit down and think about it, it is a chain of events that leads to what you see today. For me, I'm seeing the process happening day by day. I know the specific events that cause you unhappiness and further drift us apart. But i'm just not doing anything to change it, not at all. I know what will be at the end if this continues but i'm just static.
What will you do if you realize the person you have always known by heart suddenly changes? You may blame circumstances, and you are glad that you realize before it is too late.
But what will you do if you realize you have never really known the person you assumed to know by heart? You will feel angry with yourself for being so ignorant and unobservant. You will blame yourself for suddenly becoming so picky and harsh. You will play with the thought what if you had known it right from the start.
That's why I hate growing up. The moment you grow up, you start having your own set of values . The more you experience in life, this set of values, though subjected to changes, will become stronger. You cant look at everybody with the same innocent eyes anymore because honestly speaking, no one is perfect. And for some reasons, for some people, you just cant stand. It's not that you hate them; it is more of the fact that their values and your values clash so badly that you'd rather not talk. The bad thing about me is that I cant pretend and I cant tell lies and I cant fake. So? I cant tell you that you are right when I personally think that you are just so wrong. I cant assure you that you are not selfish at all when you are so self-centered. I cant agree with you when you talk bad about people and I think that it is just so unreasonable of you to hate them that way. And I cant stand it when you just blow up at people and think that you have all the reasons on earth to do so. I cant tell you so many things because most of the time you will be the one talking.
I just started to learn to pretend. I pretend that things have not worsened. I pretend that I dont know all the moments I hurt you. But dear, I'd rather let things pass by this way than have to, one day, look at you straight in the eyes to tell you that ALL ALONG YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WHOM I THOUGHT TO BE. I'd rather stay away from you to allow myself to adjust than hastily make efforts to bridge our relationship just to discover that I CANT BUILD A BRIDGE FROM ONE SIDE.
In the mean time, I just cant feel close to you.
I'm praying to God that He will open our hearts and give us more understanding. God, I dont know whether keeping this problem to myself is a wise choice. Give me light and guide me through please. And I pray that all the decisions I will be making will be from your Words. Thank You God. AMEN!
P/S: On a much much happier note!!!! HAPPEE BDAE XIUXIU!!!!LOVE YOU REAL REAL REAL MUCH! HOPE THAT YOU HAD GREAT FUN GOING HOME WITH ALL THE BALLOONS!!!!
What will you do if you realize the person you have always known by heart suddenly changes? You may blame circumstances, and you are glad that you realize before it is too late.
But what will you do if you realize you have never really known the person you assumed to know by heart? You will feel angry with yourself for being so ignorant and unobservant. You will blame yourself for suddenly becoming so picky and harsh. You will play with the thought what if you had known it right from the start.
That's why I hate growing up. The moment you grow up, you start having your own set of values . The more you experience in life, this set of values, though subjected to changes, will become stronger. You cant look at everybody with the same innocent eyes anymore because honestly speaking, no one is perfect. And for some reasons, for some people, you just cant stand. It's not that you hate them; it is more of the fact that their values and your values clash so badly that you'd rather not talk. The bad thing about me is that I cant pretend and I cant tell lies and I cant fake. So? I cant tell you that you are right when I personally think that you are just so wrong. I cant assure you that you are not selfish at all when you are so self-centered. I cant agree with you when you talk bad about people and I think that it is just so unreasonable of you to hate them that way. And I cant stand it when you just blow up at people and think that you have all the reasons on earth to do so. I cant tell you so many things because most of the time you will be the one talking.
I just started to learn to pretend. I pretend that things have not worsened. I pretend that I dont know all the moments I hurt you. But dear, I'd rather let things pass by this way than have to, one day, look at you straight in the eyes to tell you that ALL ALONG YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WHOM I THOUGHT TO BE. I'd rather stay away from you to allow myself to adjust than hastily make efforts to bridge our relationship just to discover that I CANT BUILD A BRIDGE FROM ONE SIDE.
In the mean time, I just cant feel close to you.
I'm praying to God that He will open our hearts and give us more understanding. God, I dont know whether keeping this problem to myself is a wise choice. Give me light and guide me through please. And I pray that all the decisions I will be making will be from your Words. Thank You God. AMEN!
P/S: On a much much happier note!!!! HAPPEE BDAE XIUXIU!!!!LOVE YOU REAL REAL REAL MUCH! HOPE THAT YOU HAD GREAT FUN GOING HOME WITH ALL THE BALLOONS!!!!
4 comments:
hello linh! how come you change to blogspot! hahah thanks linh. why you sound so troubled? & I never knewww. Do share your troubles with us. Though I do utter rubbish but i'm a good listener (:
Even though far from physically appearing in your world, I do feel I have been in the same shoes as you do many times before, and probably cannot avoid facing the similar situations in the future. So, please allow me to share my thoughts.
If somebody changes, to me its either because the person wants something that does not yet belong to them or because they don't like who they are currently. For either situation, a good friend should highlight to them what they are valued for. So, when that person changes, I told them "the new you suck" and they rock as they are. And if the person continues to change, I'll take note of what happens to them because I know that if i'm right, one day, they will fall, come back to me and need my support. If the person changes forever, I'll let them go, they don't belong to me from the start anyway.
I'm by far an outsider, and by large someone who knows you simply by a page of what you wrote; but my thinking is that if you do pretend and let things pass by, you did a good thing by shielding your heart from being hurt. But at the same time, you have essentially given up the struggle to get back your friend. I am a selfish friend in the sense that I always want to keep people I love close to me. So if somebody runs away, I'll try to catch them back.
So, I'd rather tell it straight to my friend's face that
"ALL ALONG YOU HAVE NOT BEEN WHOM I THOUGHT TO BE", cuz that moment shows how a caring and courageous friend I could be. If they don't really understand that simple fact, that means they don't really care about my presence!
By saying these lines above, I imply myself someone who values communication, so I guess it's not a very wise choice to keep things to myself, should this happens. I know that Christainity practices forgiveness and myself values accepting people I love. So I would avoid being so critical of them, which allows me to feel as close to them as ever. I think this is how I can be understanding.
however, all the best! ^^ cheers
I like your quote "anyway, tomorrow is another day"
linhlinh! :)
haha yeah why did you move here? anyway, thanks for your loving heart linh i love to spend time with you! and i think you're hurting from this prb cos you have too big a loving heart that can't stand conflicts! (and anw i don't think it's bad to have your own set of values :)) so yup just praying alongside you that there'll be open communication and understanding.. that God will give you all the comfort and also wisdom that you need.. rmb that Jesus never changes and He loves you so so much and i love you toooo!! :)
takecare linhlinh :)
-jessssss
what happened??
Post a Comment