It's new year eve. So i'm lying flat on my tummy and the moo is playing game with his computer. In an effort to find a place to journal down my year end reflection, i came across this super old blog of mine. And reviving it I am, why not?
2017 is a year of many milestones for me: marriage, job and church. A year that i see God's faithfulness throughout the various life changes and a year of greater desire for Him and his glory.
The moo and i got married on 22 Jan 2017 at Coyote, a small Mexican restaurant at Tanglin road. It was my dream wedding, courtyard solemnization, alfresco dining, small groups of close friends and families, simple wedding dress, and DIY decor. There were many hiccups during the wedding, some were funny, others were not. Honestly speaking, i didnt really feel like a bride during my wedding cos Moo acted more like an event organizer, rather than a groom. If it sounds funny then that's not my intention. I was a bit sad about it actually, and it still affects me every now and then, especially when i go for friends' wedding. With 8 years of dating prior to marriage, i thought it wouldnt be too difficult. I thought i had known the moo inside out, all too well. For the past one year, i discovered many new things, about the moo, but even more about myself. I dont have much patience, my words are sharp, my emotions tend to get the better of me and my pride is always waiting to ambush me. After every fight or argument, i could say the same thing about the moo. That was when i realized how far I was from our perfect Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I'm still nowhere near, and my prayer each day is patience and loving kindness towards the moo. Submission is not easy for me, especially when i tend to think that i know it better. But i have to say that the moo has done a fantastic job in heading our moo household. He has never ceased to spur me on in serving God, in interceding for others with prayer, in working on evangelism and in lavishing on others the love of Christ. There could be some small things that the moo might miss out, but the biggest and the most important thing of a Christian husband, he has a good grasp of it. For that, i'm deeply grateful. I'm looking forward to 2018, another year of journey with the moo, of greater intimacy with each other, of greater alignment to the perfection of Christ, and even more fun with our Farmitat (now with the latest addition of Bear to the family)
Being married to the moo also means being married into his family. Surely, its the most complicated family i have ever encountered. I do agree with Jose (Moo's mentor) that it could beat even Korean drama. Papa is not an easy person to work with and be around but God has, through his illness, seemed to succeed in beef up his humility. To show love to him when he is super demanding, to gently but sternly remind him when his rudeness is over the top, or simply to come and visit him even after a long and tiring day of work, all of these are not easy for me. I had to fight moments when i felt like giving up, when the devil was spamming his lie "Why try so hard? He doenst even appreciate." But i know Christlike love is never easy, it comes with a cost, it entails sacrifice. The same for Mummy. I'm beyond blessed when Mummy treats me like her own daughter and does all the housework for the two nooby moo. I like the fact that we can shop online together, bake and cook together, and even exercise together. She might seem to be in a much better position compared to Papa but she has her own flaws. Sometimes, being around her is quite draining because of her distrust towards others. And i know that any kind of appreciation would fall short if we dont work our best to share with her and explain to her the gospel. The same goes for Papa and my parents. As both of us are the only Christians in our families, sometimes, we feel very burdened by the spiritual darkness in our family. Sometimes, i cried for hours when i think about my parents and my grandparents, not knowing for certain what will happen to them, feeling hopeless that i'm so far away. I pray that we will press on in praying for our family members and will really be ten thousand times more intentional in our sharing of the gospel with them.
Naturally, after the moo found a job in Singapore (and yes, i'm super thankful for this perfect job that God gave the moo), i had to request for a transfer back to Singapore. The transfer process was smoother and faster than I expected. But what came after was a mini shock to me. I was thrown into an entirely new job scope, much less dynamic compared to what i did in Vietnam. From a star-performer who was always in the lime light, i was sort of demoted to an average senior executive, who handled research request from management and other teams. Some major adjustment had to be made, and i'm still adjusting i think. I complained to God. Slowly, it dawned upon me that so much of my identity had been attached my job and my status at work. I had been totally unaware, only to realize it once all was stripped away. I now know how easy it is for Christians in the workplace to be caught up in the rat race, to peg our worth to our accomplishments, and to find security in man's praises. This demotion is doing my soul a great favor, not that I dont need to strive for excellence in this new role (still struggling with many econs concepts and all). My prayer for 2018 is to be an effective witness for Christ in my workplace, at the same time, to put my talent to the best use for God's glory.
My reflection is definitely not complete without mentioning my new church BA. I thank God everyday for such a church in Singapore, a church with teaching deeply grounded in the words, a church with a fervent spirit for evangelism, and a church with deep care and love among its members. This is the place where i'm challenged every week, to really pursue holiness and to live out the great commission daily. I do agree with the moo, its very hard to be a stagnant or lukewarm believer in BA, you have to be super thick skin and to be able to withstand an enormous amount of pressure. Such a wonderful description of a church. Because of the constant push that BA provided, my heart was willing to take up the ministry which I believed God prepared for me (outside of BA though). It is not an easy ministry, i really have no idea about why the girls choose such a career path. But i know they really really need the gospel. May God use me to bring the good news of salvation to these girls, to set them free from the bondage of sin and spiritual darkness.
I'm excited for 2018, for a new home, for all the glorious things that God has in mind :)
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